VaNess

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted...

2011-02-16T12:53:00.000-08:00

Last night I was reading Psalm 34 and these three specific verses stood out to me:

1: I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth.

4-5: I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.

18: The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

I last posted as I reflected on some of the sad/difficult things of 2010 and I had meant to get to a post about all of the things I am thankful for (and there is much), but the last month has continued to be one full of tears. I have found myself in a place where my faith is being tested, a place where the burdens of this life seem too much to bear, and quite frankly at times I have felt the presence of darkness closing in on me.

In the midst of some personal difficulties that have been emotionally exhausting, the normal wear & tear of trying to figure out being a mom and being in ministry, and just "life," I have experienced loss. About 2 1/2 weeks ago my uncle passed away suddenly. I have many fond memories from my childhood of him, even though I haven't seen him much in the last few years because of the distance between Iowa and Arizona. My heart is burdened especially for my cousin (his only daughter) who is pregnant with her first child.

This morning I came back from work to read a few emails. There were three main people who needed prayer, and before I even had time to pray I got the news that one had passed away. Derek Hotsinpiller (for anyone reading from Bridgeport, WV) was shot this morning. He was a U.S. Marshall out doing his job, when an individual opened fire. I played soccer for a few years with his older brother Dustin, and his mother Pam has been a great influence on me for Christ. I still remember watching Pam's faith as she walked through the sudden death of her husband 8 years ago, and I just can't believe she will now bury her young son.

Today is one of those days that I think I have to choose to turn to Jesus and rely on his strength to get through, because even the normal details (like taking care of my kids and figuring out dinner) almost seem like too much. My heart is just so sad and I'm not even one of these dear people on the very front-line of loss (like my cousin, Pam or Dustin).

I know that God's Word does not change and His character does not either. I know that I can depend on Him no matter what, but the past few months (this month in particular) have been really draining and I am becoming more aware of my "wandering heart" and how easily I can doubt. Still, I am thankful that as my faith is tested, it is also growing stronger. My dependence on God is also strengthening my awareness of His presence in my life.

"Eternal Oughtness"

2011-01-09T23:08:00.000-08:00

Oughtness.
Instilled in us is a longing for the ideal world and perfect intimacy for which we were created. We sense that the evils of war and rape and death are alien to our existence. As Martin Luther King Jr. observed, we are confronted by an "eternal oughtness:" that the world is not as it ought to be, that unconditional love and perfect peace are forever elusive. (*"Backstory")

I've finally started to reflect on 2010, but even in the midst of so many blessings and much to be thankful for, my heart is burdened. This year has weighed heavy on my heart for so many reasons, and I think the biggest is the constant reminder of what a heartbreaking (sinful) world we live in.

Over the past few years I've started avoiding the news because most of the headliners have to do with things that make it nearly impossible for me to sleep at night. However, what I can't avoid is the deep pain that people close to me have experienced. I have seen first-hand the affects that adultery, divorce, depression, the loss of a child, the loss of parents and other family members/friends, disease, and hopelessness can do to the soul of a person.

I have seen tears, I have seen sleepless eyes, and I've seen hearts become calloused as a way to stop "feeling," because it seems like the only way to survive.

I have also seen hearts that might as well have knees and be bowing down in worship, except they aren't devoted to the One who is the Creator, but the things that are created (picture a golden calf that is worshipped as a god). There are many "good" things that we have in this life, but many of these New-Year's-Resolution-list-objects become our objects of affection and devotion (money, health, beauty, accomplishments, individuality, relationships, education). Soon our hobbies become the veins to our hearts, and we think that they are our source of life.

When I read the quote above it resonated with my heart because there have been many times this year I have thought, "Why? This isn't how it's supposed to be". And in light of what has happened in Tucson this week, and the response of Westboro Baptist (which invokes in me the urge to throw up), I must remind myself of the following: "Look, your Savior is coming...In that day he will remove the cloud of gloom, the shadow of death that hangs over the earth. He will swallow up death forever! The Sovereign Lord will wipe away all tears...The Lord has spoken!" (Isaiah 62:11; 25:7)

Though we all will experience pain (some more unimaginable than others), I am reminded of the HOPE we have in Jesus Christ. I am reminded that my heart too once turned away from God and was unfaithful to the Creator, but that through faith in Christ and what He has done on the cross (died as a ransom for MY sin, and then was resurrected as a sign that death has been conquered! Hallelujah!) I have been restored to the relationship I was created for.

With sadness I reflect on this past year, but with joy I reflect on the peace I have in my heart and the future hope that "The Sovereign Lord will wipe away all tears.

*"Backstory" is a small book we use in ministry to help explain the full picture of what God is doing and how our own lives intersect with the greater "Backstory" going on.

I do have a rather large list of things for which I am thankful, for which I know I am undeserving but the Lord has graciously given, and I hope to share these highlights of 2010 in the coming week.

How vast the Father's love for us

2010-12-31T23:16:00.000-08:00

"How vast the Father's love for us..."

"It's not that I don't believe Jesus existed, it's more that he was a good guy that taught us good things. He is one son of God, but not God's Son," said Mike as Charley and I sat on the cold grass in the middle of a small park in downtown San Diego.

"Mike," I responded "I don't believe that Jesus ever left it up to us to say that he was a good moral person. Either Jesus is who He says (that he could forgive sins because he was God), or he was a liar (which doesn't make him very moral), or he was a flat out lunatic." I was thankful that God brought those words from CS Lewis to mind. I saw Mike slowly begin to think more as our conversation continued on.

Over an hour later I couldn't help but be reminded of God's amazing love and grace.

You see, Mike has been homeless for 30 years. He was sitting at the park where Charley and I met with 30 other UofA students to go out into San Diego to initiate spiritual conversations during our "Day of Faith." Charley saw him on the way to our meeting location and offered him a sandwich he had bought for lunch. God used Charley's heart for the homeless to bridge a gap that 15 minutes later allowed for a conversation to take place. I truly believe that Mike could see Jesus right away in Charley.

Mike didn't decide to put his trust in Jesus, but I do believe that he is closer to making that decision. At one point of the conversation as Mike mentioned how hard it is to let go of poor decisions he made years ago. I looked at him and said, "Mike, you don't deserve forgiveness............... But, I don't either. The truth of the matter is that there is not one person on this planet who deserves what Christ has done, but He loves you so much that he offers it to you now. You don't have to change before you come to Christ, He is meeting you right now and offering himself to you."

Charley shared part of his own testimony, or story about what God's done in his life. He talked to Mike about the peace he has experienced in the midst of some really difficult and heart breaking situations. I think this really resonated with Mike. We didn't offer him a promise that if he came to know Jesus that all of his problems would be fixed (that he'd find a steady job, save money, get an apartment), but what we did offer him was hope and a joy that can't be taken away because of the forgiveness, restoration and relationship found in Christ.

When the conversation ended Mike thanked us both several times. He told us that prior to this conversation he had been feeling really burdened, but now he felt like there was hope. When he went to shake my hand I gave him a hug. He really was a precious man and I feel like I saw before me a cold hardened heart begin to have some of the ice chipped away.

During our conversation I was struck several times with the overwhelming awareness of God's love for this man. I couldn't help but see that God didn't make this conversation happen randomly as some sort of an afterthought, but that it was part of his plan all along...part of his intentional pursuit for Mike's heart.

I left also keenly aware of God's love towards me. This was the first time in years I was able to go out on the Day of Faith, and God blessed me with this sweet conversation.

'The Lord is good and His love endures forever. Amen."

Life as a missionary

2010-12-29T21:41:00.000-08:00

If you'd asked me years ago what my life would look like on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ, I would've mentioned a lot about campus life. I would've pictured conversations with students, hanging out in the dorms, leading Bible studies, getting into spiritual conversations with students from various religious and spiritual (if any) backgrounds.

What I probably wouldn't have pictured was the hotel rooms.

When I mention hotels and traveling it sounds so...adventurous and luxurious. And I guess in many ways it is a big adventure. I get to travel every summer to different locations (California, New Jersey, Florida and Colorado being some of the recent places). This spring break I will get to help lead a group of college students to our partnership campus in the Dominican Republic. I have many opportunities on staff to travel not only in the United States, but throughout the whole world. And maybe someday (in years to come) it will feel more like how it sounds (fun).

However, with two small kids I must admit that the traveling is a bit exhausting. Sitting in dark hotel rooms when the kids go to bed or are napping, rearranging the furniture in the room to figure out how to fit the kids mini travel tents in the room, but far enough apart (if that's an option) so they don't wake each other up when they cough (because they are always somehow sick when we're on the road), and the hours in the car sometimes all just about push me over the edge of sanity.

In the midst of a tough night (feeling disconnected from the actual conference going on, dealing with short naps and disobedient kids) I have to remember the bigger picture. The bigger picture is what God is doing in the hearts and lives of real people around me, and through the ministry that I'm privileged to be a part of. Right now there are hundreds of college students in the large ballroom hearing a speaker that God could use to literally change their life. There are thousands of college students in different locations across the US experiencing the same thing.

What makes it all worth it? The gospel of Jesus Christ. The fact that Jesus not only died on the cross, but that he was resurrected. He conquered death so that we may truly live! Christ's love, forgiveness and grace is not at all what I deserve, and yet He has given it to me through His blood on the cross. My life as a missionary and all the dark hotel rooms in between the thousands of miles we travel are all worth it because other people get to know the Jesus that I know!

Loving myself some ricotta

2010-12-02T20:44:00.000-08:00

Three reasons I love ricotta:

1. Lasagna
Enough said.

2. Pizza
I like to mix a little ricotta with the sauce when I make homemade pizza. It adds a richness and gives it a special sort of "umph" (trust me, you'll see what I mean).

3. Muffins
I had leftover ricotta that I didn't want to waste. In my oven (right now) are some ricotta orange berry muffins. Here is the recipe I found online from a blog called Not Just Baby Brain for What's for Breakfast-Blueberry Ricotta Muffins. She got the recipe from this blog called Italialicious (and I think I will be looking at more of his recipes in the future).

*If I had all of the ingredients I would've done it as originally posted, but I didn't.
Here are the substitutions I made:
1. I didn't have any lemons so I just used the zest from one orange
2. I didn't have orange blossom water so I used about 1 tsp. of fresh orange juice & 1 tsp. vanilla
3. I didn't have fresh or frozen blueberries by themselves, but I did have a mixed frozen fruit bag (cherries, blueberries & blackberries) so I just chopped up the frozen berries & added them to the batter

Time elapse: 5 minutes

I just tasted them and I have one word: YUM!

Thankful

2010-11-27T19:31:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for these silly, mischievous, sweet, funny, little faces!

(Rachel reading the paper)

(Logan and his cousin Max. This was nothing but trouble...okay, maybe some fun too!)

Keep on Running

2010-11-27T07:43:00.000-08:00

I decided three weeks ago to run a half marathon that is in two weeks. Since I've run a half and full marathon before it's not quite as intimidating as it was the first go-around. Last weekend I ran 10 miles and my hope is to run 14 miles today. I know that 14 miles is further than a half marathon, but I'm hoping to get my muscles used to the distance this weekend so I can run faster on race day.

I think the hardest part about running is the mental part. The times I tell myself "you can run further" it seems my body buckles up and gets it done. I've got to admit that it's hard to keep a positive attitude when all I want to do is stop running. Thoughts like, "you can just stop, no one will know" or "no, you can't do it!" seem to creep up quietly unnoticed and then loudly yell in my ear over and over until I begin to believe it.

Isn't this the same with sin? I doubt many people wake up in the morning excited and ready to sin (whether it be yelling at their kids or husband, to gossip about someone, or even look at something that will cause them to think things that aren't pure). Oftentimes it starts out kind of sneaky and quiet. However, if it's left untreated it becomes a roaring lion and it has taken over control.

Anyway, I'm realizing the more aware I become of the thought patterns in my life, be it on the treadmill for hours or when I look in the mirror at my reflection, the more I can recognize thoughts that honor the Lord and thoughts that send me down a path I don't really want to go.

Philipans 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable,whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Okay, time to stop stalling and get stretching because I've got some pavement (or treadmill) to hit!

Getting them to smile is just as hard as picking the perfect card!

2010-11-25T20:57:00.000-08:00

I'm going to admit that getting a decent family picture for a Christmas card is not easy work. However, I'm not sure if it's more difficult than deciding which Christmas card to order. I started looking on Shutterfly months before Christmas, and yet here I am on Thanksgiving needing to order a card ASAP, but can't decide what to do.

I love the idea of a flat card that is simple and classic. I love this partially because some of our family like having a more recent picture to hang up, but this way it's not too Christmas-y. Then again I would love to have a folded Christmas card with a more personal greeting on the inside. In the past we've done some of the chocolate brown and maroon themed ones and I've liked those, but wondering if I want to do less of the "card" part and more of the picture part (if that makes sense).

As you can tell, it's hard to decide! I did post a few of my favorites below with the links to the cards. Now that I look it over again I realize I am leaning towards something more simple. Let me know what you think, or if you find one here you think would be even better!

If you click on this link it will take you to all the holiday cards and you'll see my option dilemma. http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/holiday-cards

Here are some simple ones that I like (BTW: that's not us in case you were wondering):

In the meantime I can't help but think a wall calendar like this http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars/wall-calendars would help me remember everyone's birthdays and I could put all the pictures that didn't fit on our Christmas card on our calendar!

Also, since I'm thinking about Christmas gifts (and no I can't handle the crowds on a normal shopping day, so I'm not about to go out tomorrow for Black Friday) I wonder if the grandparents would like a mug with their grandkids on it? It's so much classier then the plastic ones we used to color in and give as gifts when we were growing up! http://www.shutterfly.com/photo-gifts/photo-mugs

Anyway, there are my Christmas card & other gift thoughts for the day!

My Birthday Boy

2010-11-14T21:00:00.000-08:00

I love my son. It is amazing to think back over the past 4 years and how much our life has changed because of this one little guy. I remember being slightly shocked realizing we could be pregnant. Sure we'd been married over a year, but this wasn't my "plan." Well, I am SO THANKFUL it was God's plan. Since it's my little boy's 4th birthday (although little man might be more accurate), I wanted to blog about some of the top four character traits I love about Logan.

1. Loving. Logan has this really sweet presence about him. He genuinely loves other people, and I can honestly say I can't recall a time he has ever spoken poorly or meanly about anyone (besides the occasional tattling on his little sister, but even then it's not "mean," just annoyed). We had a run-in with a bully last year, and he couldn't understand why anyone would want to be mean. It just did not make any sense to Logan why or how someone could be cruel.

2. Joyful. I love watching Logan's face light up when he sees his friends, or finds out we're having pizza (his favorite...along with tortillas, grapes, grilled cheese, cookies...), or hears we're going to have family time. Overall he is a very joyful boy, and it seems to be contagious to the other people he is around.

3. Empathetic. I often catch Logan studying my face or the faces of people in books or on shows. If he doesn't understand what someone is thinking or feeling he will say, "Mom, what does that face mean?" Times when I've been sad, his face will drop and he'll ask why I'm sad. He is a very perceptive little boy and I think this is a gift he has.

4. Forgiving. There have been many times over the past 4 years that I have lost my patience and not responded to my little boy in a loving and godly way. There have also, not surprisingly, been many occasions I have had to apologize to him and confess my harshness or frustration. Before I can even get to the "will you forgive me" part of my apology my son looks at me, smiles and says, "It's okay mom, I forgive you! And don't worry, Jesus forgives you too...that's why he died for you...for when you do bad things." Then, as though I have never been impatient or harsh, he smiles, hugs me and it's like he has totally forgotten about all my faults. I have a lot to learn from my son in this area!

Creative Baking

2010-09-28T21:55:00.000-07:00

I bought two books for my birthday Bakerella's Cake Pops & Cookie Craft.

I'm looking forward to more creative baking in the days to come! Here are two projects I worked on last month.

Bridal Shower Centerpieces:
Used Mod Podge and paper to decorate plain clay pots & styrofoam balls to hold the cake pops in place. Hard to see in this picture, but they are red velvet in the inside, and are dark green with light green edible glitter on the outside, covered in plastic, and tied with a bow.

CRU-kies (CRU cookies):
I made 75 of these to advertise our freshman dinner. They were individually wrapped and handed out at our weekly meeting. They were sugar cookies with red food coloring in the dough, and then white or black frosting (I had to use a lot of food coloring so they didn't look gray).

Veggies with Spunk

2010-09-28T21:35:00.000-07:00

We eat vegetables. I said it, and it's true. Not only do we eat them, but we generally like them. However, sometimes we get a little bored from eating the same things over and over.

Here's a glimpse at our grocery list each week for vegetables: broccoli, asparagus, sweet potatoes, green beans, green & red leave lettuce, mushrooms, red peppers, tomatoes, beets, carrots, jicama

Here are two new recipes I made this week, both of which I thought were delicious enough to share.

1. Butternut Squash Fries: we've been making sweet potato fries (the healthy way) for a few years, but these were a nice change. Surprisingly they tasted "more" like regular fries. Seriously yummy.

2. Roasted Cauliflower: looking forward to making more next week. To this recipe I added garlic (I didn't use a garlic press, I just took off the outside and roughly chopped up). There are A LOT of roasted cauliflower recipes online.

Another staple in our lives are roasted beets. We generally put them on salads, but I like eating them plain too. They are a little messy, but pretty easy. In the beginning of the week I just make 4-6 at a time, cut up, and store in the refrigerator so they're ready when we need them.

How To: peel, cut off ends, prick with a fork (like you would a potato), wrap in foil, place on cookie sheet and cook at 425 for about an hour. I let them sit in the foil after they're out of the oven for 15-30 minutes (they keep steaming, which you may or may not need depending on their size). Then I cut them up into smaller bite-sized pieces before storing in the refrigerator.

Vegetables I'd like to start using more: eggplant & pumpkin. The only problem is that vegetables and fruit are so expensive so we try to buy what's on sale. Maybe they'll both be on sale soon!

If you have any creative ways to cook vegetables, please don't hesitate to share with me!!!!

Parenting & the Gospel

2010-09-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

Let's face it, parenting is tough!

By the looks of this picture I'd say being a baby is tough too.

There have been a lot of times lately I've felt completely overwhelmed. I don't know if you've seen or remember the movie Groundhog Day, but I feel like I'm stuck in the same day that just keeps repeating itself. When the alarm clock goes off (aka: the sound of Logan yelling, "Mommy I need to go potty"), I sadly find myself looking forward to the next stage (when Logan can get up without yelling, take care of Rachel, and then around 10am bring us a nice breakfast in bed) instead of embracing the one I'm in.

However, there is a huge part of me that wants to have more children some day. What does this mean (besides the fact that I might be a little crazy)? Children are a HUGE blessing and a gift from the Lord (I mean just look at those cute faces). Even at the end of a tough day there is something about looking in at the kids sound asleep and thinking I wish I could just hold them and never let them go because in many ways they are growing up too fast! Yes, I know I contradict myself. I'm really quite indecisive when it comes to wanting the kids to stay little forever and wanting them to grow up yesterday.

This summer I was able to spend time with some godly staff moms that I deeply respect. There was something noticeably different (and great) about how they lived out and communicated the gospel to their children. It's encouraged me to really seek the Word as I figure out this whole parenting thing. I've found some great resources that have also been helpful: "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp, Gospel Centered Parenting (a sermon podcast 2 part series by CJ Mahaney), and "How People Change" by Timothy Lane & Paul Tripp.

Our reactions to our circumstances have consequences. Our responses, whether godly or ungodly, help create a new set of circumstances to deal with. If I get irritated with my son when he doesn't do what I say, I create a new set of circumstances. When I sin, I make the problem worse, even if my son obeys me. When I respond in godly ways, it doesn't guarantee that my son will respond as I would like, but it does ensure that I am not a hindrance to the work of God in his life. (from How People Change)

I have a lot to learn, but I am thankful for the power of the gospel that is changing me. I don't need my kids to see a perfect mom (since I'm not). I don't want them to see a mom who tries to be perfect either. Instead I pray that they'll see a mom who knows she needs a savior, a mom who is willing to confess her sin, say she's sorry, and ask for forgiveness (yes, even from a one year old). I pray that they'll notice a change in my character over the years as God transforms my heart. I pray that they too will see how much they need Jesus in their lives.

Logan and Rachel were running around playing the other day when he looked at me and said, "Mom, we're on the same team! We're both superheros!" I pray that they will both see Jesus as their ultimate hero and savior and that they will spur one another on towards godliness.

Toddler Theology

2010-06-01T20:09:00.001-07:00

We have one children's Bible and the story of Jonah basically starts like this:

God told Jonah to go to Nineveh to tell the people, "Stop doing bad things."

The following excerpt is from the Jesus Storybook Bible

God had a job for Jonah. But Jonah didn't want it. "Go to Nineveh," God said, "and tell your worst enemies that I love them."

"No!" said Jonah. "Those are bad people doing bad things!"

"Exactly," said God. "They have run far away from me. But I can't stop loving them. I will give them a new start. I will forgive them."

This summer we have the opportunity to have many spiritual conversations on the boardwalk in Ocean City. When I think about how Christians are often portrayed on television shows (Freeks and Geeks is one that most people didn't watch, but is a classic example) it reminds me how often we are seen as people who just "stop doing bad things" (aka: follow this list of do's and don'ts & try harder to become a better person).

I had read the first toddler Bible to Logan many times and didn't realize until the other night exactly what was wrong with the theology. As I read the Jesus Storybook Bible out loud to Logan and read the above part, Logan responded by saying "God loves me and you love me too mom!"

Christianity is about a relationship with a loving God. What hope would there be if we were told simply to "stop doing bad things"? Maybe I could manage my sin for some time, maybe I could overcome some things by positive thinking, setting up a three step plan, avoiding certain situations...but simply by trying to be a better person my heart would not be changed nor would I be forgiven for my past sins or present mistakes.

Hope comes when I meet the Savior, the person of Christ. Hope comes when I realize that He can forgive my sins and give me a new start, and He can transform who I am.

The Jesus Storybook Bible goes on to say (when Jonah eventually went to Nineveh):

"Even though you've run far from God, he can't stop loving you," Jonah told them. "Run to him! So he can forgive you."

The people of Nineveh listened to Jonah, and they started loving God. They learned to do what God said and to stop running away from him--just like Jonah.

Many years later, God was going to send another Messenger with the same wonderful message. Like Jonah, he would spend three days in utter darkness.

But this Messenger would be God's own Son. He would be called "The Word" because he himself would be God's Message. God's Message translated into our own language. Everything God wanted to say to the whole world--in a Person.

It's amazing how closely I need to pay attention to what I'm reading to Logan when it comes to learning about God. Even many children's Bibles don't seem to have their theology straight and start teaching kids about religion and how to act, instead of about the most important relationship that they could ever have with the only one who is capable of forgiving them for when they do mess up (which is inevitable...have you spent time with a toddler recently?), and helping to change them at a heart level.

Our sandbox

2010-05-26T18:14:00.001-07:00

Living so close to the beach brings back memories of living in Pismo Beach. Sigh.

This week is student orientation, so I'm trying to figure out how to keep the kids occupied and happy since they won't see Chris as much. I made pancakes for breakfast and we were out the door by 9:30 to go to our big sandbox. Here are a few pictures. Should've gotten one of me carrying Rachel in the ergo in the front (baby carrier), backpack on my back, bag of sand toys in my right hand, and Logan in my left hand. I'm sure it was hilarious since I kept having people smile/laugh at me the few blocks we had to walk.

Overflow of our hearts

2010-05-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

As I've noticed Logan misbehaving a lot the past few days (we've been in Ocean City for 5 days, so he's dealing with transition) it's made me think about how I act/react to situations in life. It's easy for me to get frustrated and mad at his behavior and want him to quickly just "shape up", but I am (finally) realizing more and more that I need to address his heart and what's really going on. Fear, embarrassment, anger, exhaustion: I need to get to the root of his behavior.

I want to become a mom who knows my kids and can help draw out their hearts, but honestly it's hard to know how to do that. I know that God is so patient with me. I've been studying Ephesians and for some reason chapter 1:7,8 keep resonating with me: "In Him (Christ) we have redemption (means to buy or purchase something) through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace which he lavishes on us." I think the word LAVISHES every time just stands out to me. It doesn't say that he sprinkles a little grace here and there, but that he lavishes his grace on us.

I desire to raise our children in a house where they don't just see us out talking about the gospel, but it is a gospel that rings true in our hearts and is lived out in our household. The last thing I want is to talk about the cross and the relationship God wants with us through what Jesus did on the cross...but then succumbing to "religion" when it comes to behavior and discipline.

As a staff team (there are about 40 of us) we've been sharing our testimonies (stories about how/when we came to know Christ) and it has struck me how many of us grew up in "religious" homes, but didn't know the gospel. Many of us come from performance driven homes with performance-driven faith (you must do, act, be a certain way to win God's favor) instead of the saving faith described in Ephesians 2:8 "for it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this not of yourselves, it is the gift of God".

I pray that I will continue to be convicted of my own sin and led to repentance. There is no way I can ever be the perfect model because that will always only be Jesus. What I can do is lead my children in humility (let them see me when I mess up, see how I confess that, and ask the Holy Spirit to make me be the kind of person He wants me to be), ask God to help give me a spirit of patience and grace with them, and learn how to ask questions that won't just focus on the behavior, but what's behind the behavior.

After a really hard day yesterday (Logan tends to act up by asking for food for meals and then refusing to eat. It took him 2 1/2 hours to eat half of a quesadilla) I missed our staff time and stayed home with the kids. After getting Rachel to bed I spent extra time reading to Logan, singing him songs before bed and talking to him about his day. I did the best I could to explain to him that there will always be consequences for our sin or for the bad things we do (which he followed by saying, "yes, everybody makes mistakes and that's why Jesus died for us") but that I don't want him to just say he's sorry so he can get back to playing but I want to know why he acted up. I told him that he can tell me if he is sad, scared, tired, or whatever he's feeling. We hugged and I prayed for him (which he repeated the prayer as I was saying it, which was really cute).

It's hard figuring out how to talk with a 3 1/2 year old, partly because he may not know why he's acting the way he is (God knows there are many times I can't figure out why I act the way I do), but it is worth it to keep pursing my kids. I am so thankful that God has pursued and continues to pursue me.

Reflecting on "my call"

2010-04-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

This weekend we had our annual Spring Regional Conference. Dennis Rainey (Family Life ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ) and his son Samuel were our speakers. Dennis asked us to reflect upon "Spiritual Milestones" or times we remember God working in our lives (some could be painful experiences, others joyous...but either way "significant").

I still haven't had a lot of time to reflect, but there is one that stands out in my mind and I thought it would be helpful for me to actually type it out.

It was the late summer of 1999 and I was about to start my freshman year of college at Ohio University. My grandpa (Logan Reif) had cancer. Knowing that he didn't have much time left, my parents and I booked a flight out to Sun City, Arizona (about 3 1/2 hours from where we now live in Tucson) to see him in person. One of the mornings we were there my grandpa told me he had something very important I needed to tell the family. My parents and I found a tape recorder, and brought paper and a pen so that we could make sure to write down whatever it was that was so important.

Later that afternoon my grandpa looked straight in my eyes, pointed at me, and said, "Vanessa, this is what you need to tell the family. You need to tell them that Jesus said, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father but through me.'"

It was a powerful moment.

I had enough of a church background to know that what he had just told me was somewhere in the Bible (I found out it was Jon 14:6 when I looked it up), but I had no idea why I was the one he asked to relay the message. My parents were both in the room, and we have since had many conversations about that moment (how he specifically singled me out from them to share this message & wondering why).

My grandparents (Logan & Helen Reif) were Christians, but since then I have found out that both of them at times questioned their faith. I'm sure they had many of the same questions I have when looking at our world and seeing the suffering, pain, poverty (sometimes knowing that all of this is a result of a fallen/sinful world doesn't seem satisfactory enough) and I know my grandma in particular really struggled with her faith when she battled cancer (she had never smoked, had alcohol, been overweight or done really anything to abuse her body, and I know that cancer seemed unfair to her), but honestly I don't know much about their faith journey. My uncles have different knowledge of their parents' faith journey and have their own opinions about what I "must have heard incorrectly" about what he wanted me to tell them (a long story not worth explaining on here).

What do I know about my grandpa based on what he told me? I know that no matter what doubts or questions he had during his lifetime, that when he faced death he gained a sense of clarity. This clarity made him realize that he needed to make sure this message got out to his family. There was a, I don't even know the word, maybe "urgency" about the way he wanted to make sure our family knew this.

I brought a pen and paper to make sure I'd remember what he wanted me to tell the family, but I don't need a pen and paper to remember it. It is one of the simplest and most complex things about the Christian faith. Jesus makes himself clear, his mission, his purpose, and leaves room only for our response.

Jesus said, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Besides this moment being significant because it was the last face-to-face conversation I had with my grandpa, it is significant because it redirected the plans I had for my life (plans to be a successful Public Relations professional). During my time at Ohio University my faith grew like it had never before. I began to see just how personal God is and I began to see how few people believed in the words that Jesus says. As I took a step of faith to share that message with my entire family through a letter, my heart was burdened knowing that outside my family there were millions of other people who didn't know the truth.

Whenever I think back to the message my grandpa asked me to share with our family, I realize that at that moment God was giving me a direct calling for my life as a minister of His gospel (which has led me to being on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ, or "Cru" as we call it at UofA). It is during these times of reflection that I am once again reminded of God's faithfulness in my life and his personal leading.

In November of 2004 our son was born. His name is Logan. Someday I look forward to explaining exactly where his name came from, the legacy left by those before him, and the high calling he too can be a part of no matter what he chooses to do with his life. I pray that our Logan will grasp the importance of what Jesus said.

I am the way

I am the truth

I am the life

No one comes to the Father.....

Except through ME (Jesus)

All dressed up

2010-04-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

Love these kids, even if they do roll around on the floor of the church lobby in their "Sunday best".

Preparing for Easter

2010-04-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I look at photos of my kids I like to make up a fake conversation that "happened" (I think it's called pretending). Anyway, with Easter right around the corner it would go like this:

Rachel: Logan, what is Easter about?

Logan: Well, Rachel it's ultimately about Christ's resurrection. Do you know what resurrection means?

Rachel: No, but is it snack time yet?

Logan: Pay attention Rachel, this is important.

Rachel: Okay, but can you use little words instead of dad words?

Logan: Fine. I'll do the best I can. Remember how much Jesus loves us?

Rachel: Yes, he loves me thiiiiiiiis much.

Logan: Well, remember how we do bad things sometimes? Like when you try to rip my hair out?

Rachel: Yes, that's not very nice even if I do think it's funny.

Logan: Well, Jesus died for you and me and everybody so that we can be forgiven for all the bad stuff we mean to do and the bad stuff we don't even know we do...like the things that mom tells us are bad, but we didn't know.

Rachel: Like when you locked the bathroom door & shut it so no one could get in?

Logan: Yes. Well, Jesus died, but then on Easter He was alive! He conquered death Rachel, it's a pretty big deal.

Rachel: Conquered?

Logan: Yes! It means that he didn't stay dead, but Jesus is alive!

Rachel: Oh. Well then, can Jesus get my snack because I'm still hungry.

Apparently Rachel got tired of waiting for someone to get her snack & she pushed her red chair over to the table, stood on top, and reached her juice & some cookies I had taken out of the oven. Smart girl...or coincidence. Either way it made for a funny picture

Who wants to know of ways to make the holidays that are supposed to be about Jesus, really about Jesus? (Rachel says, "I do! I do!" as she fashionably wears her hat that reminds me of the Strawberry Shortcake characters).
Now I see why she wants to know more: her mafia picture proves (pretzel cigar, overalls or stroller straps, and the way she is giving someone "the look") she needs Jesus (okay, we all do)!

Okay, now for the reason I really decided to post something tonight (yes, the rest was all just random fluff). Noel Piper (John Piper's wife) wrote a book that is called "Treasuring God in our Tradition" and you can find it on the Desiring God website as a free download if you go HERE.

I heard about it from a friend of mine and decided to look into for ideas for Easter. There are some great ones, but since I got sick this week (tonsillitis) and the medication is making me nauseous I haven't gotten to any of her great ideas. Still I am thinking about the next few nights reading out of Logan's Bible (The Jesus Storybook Bible...I recommend this above any other kids story Bible btw), having a celebration Easter morning where we play music, dance & shout "He's Alive!" and then in his Easter basket have things that are different colors and can represent different aspects of Easter. I still haven't made any final decisions.

Anyway, do you have ideas that you've tried (for a 3 year old & 1 year old) that you'd like to pass on? If so, please leave a comment because I'd love to hear!

For the baby mama (& family)

2010-03-26T20:11:00.000-07:00

I feel really blessed in life to have such great family and friends. After giving birth to both kids we had so many awesome meals brought over by our friends (both in San Luis Obispo where Logan was born, and here in Tucson where Rachel was born). I remember what a blessing it was to not have to worry about making dinner, getting groceries, or any of those details.

Here is my go-to meal when I take food to families who have recently had baby: Chicken Caesar Pasta Salad, French bread (I cut & butter & wrap in foil so they can just pop it in the oven), and of course dessert (I try to remember fruit too, but recently I forgot about that). What I like about the meal is that it's simple, fresh, and generally not something that someone else is making. Plus there aren't too many spices just in case a nursing mom is worried about that (I was with Logan, but wasn't with Rachel...both seemed equally gassy so not sure if it made a difference or not).

Since I love dessert, I'll start there and share my latest recipe attempt...and success! Here are Bakerella's Snickerdoodle Duo (taken from Martha Stewart recipes). The cupcake and cookie are both made from scratch, but I bought simple white frosting for the middle and put a little food coloring to make it pink. Not gonna lie, they taste amazing. I decided they would transfer better if I didn't have frosting on the top like Bakerella did...and I'm thinking about always doing a cookie on top when I want to send or take cupcakes places now. Seriously. Much easier, and oh so yummy! Here is the RECIPE.

I've also started making onsies or tiny shirts to put with the food. Here are pics of two different kinds I've made. I blurred out some of the details for privacy issues for the families, but you get the point.

Here is a picture of the salad all ready to be tossed together when they are ready to eat. I use a rotisserie chicken because I like the flavor, pasta (with a little of the caesar dressing so it doesn't get sticky, plus the flavor soaks in), parmesan cheese, croutons, Romain lettuce, and I give them a bottle of the dressing. This fit in a 9X13 disposable baking dish, which is also easier for them to cleanup (but you could do separate containers, or whatever).

Cupcake all wrapped up. I had to make them a day in advance and wanted to keep them fresh.

And here is one of the packages all put together (thanks to a leftover basket from Christmas and a little ribbon).

To everyone who gave us meals when we had our kids: THANK YOU! Especially when we had Rachel and our closest family was a 12-hour drive away...we felt loved and blessed and taken care of. I can only hope and pray others will feel just as blessed by our food.

Oh me, Oh my...better than pie

2010-03-22T16:43:00.000-07:00

Ridiculous title for the post. I know. The truth is: I love pie! So, it isn't an attempt to say that the following two desserts are actually better than pie, it just happened to rhyme.

It's probably no secret how much I love chocolate, but even better than plain chocolate is molten lava chocolate!!!! Gooey in the middle, warm and cake-y on the outside...delicious!

I've made a few molten lava cakes in the last few years, but this recipe is my FAVORITE and also seems to be the easiest. Just to make sure I wasn't fooling myself, we had over a few friends on Saturday night and they were a hit for them too.

I've mentioned her blog before (and maybe this recipe) but seriously, if you aren't following The Pioneer Woman, what are you waiting for? Here is her post about the recipe she found on the Tasty Kitchen:

Molten Lava Cake (click on this link or copy & paste below)

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2009/07/molten-chocolate-lava-cake/

Since I made these on Saturday, I figured something with fruit would be better for our small group potluck on Sunday night. I didn't really want to have to buy anything I didn't have in our kitchen already, so I found a recipe on the Tasty Kitchen and adapted it. Why I didn't take picture? I have no idea!

So, here is the original recipe for Strawberry Cobbler Cake http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/recipes/desserts/strawberry-cobbler-cake/

What I did differently: I doubled the recipe & baked in a 9 X 13 X 3 stoneware cake pan. I think it took about 60 minutes. I also used frozen fruit that I had thawed and did strawberries, blueberries & blackberries. I will make this again! (*drool)

Rachel's first birthday

2010-03-21T21:23:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's already been 1 year since my sweet baby girl was born.

A lot changes in a year...

The birthday girl one year later (already half her friends are in college)...

So we all celebrated with little homemade cake: white cake with raspberry filling,

raspberry-chocolate buttercream frosting, and fondant decorations...I love baking!

Rachel's cake:

Logan's cake (or so he thought, but in reality the rest of us and our guests shared this one):

Logan giving his baby sister some pointers about what to do with the cake:

My inspiration for the cake design:

I feel so incredibly blessed to have this little girl in my life. It is fun seeing bits of her personality become more defined: she's a bit of a firecracker (she's got spunk even at this age); determined (when she sees dad's records she will do anything to get to them and throw them down); silly (she likes rolling around the couch laughing and growling); sweet (she claps for us when we do things she likes, blows kisses, and smiles at everyone); independent (put her in a room full of kids and she'll go find some stuff to do by herself for awhile).

Thank you Jesus for the privilege of being a mom to Logan and Rachel!

All Smiles...All Teeth

2010-02-21T20:37:00.000-08:00

Since I'm on a roll tonight, I thought I'd post a few pictures of my precious daughter who will be turning 1 next Friday! I love her little smile and how excited she gets when she sees her brother, or the camera!

Simple, but classy!

2010-02-21T20:27:00.001-08:00

I wish the title were talking about my sense of style...but it's not! I love following food & craft blogs, and Bakerella is one of my favorites! Her title for this oreo truffle is: "Grocery item goes gourmet," and I'd have to agree!

3 ingredients:

1. Bag of Oreos (I use the imitation kind since it's cheaper)

2. Cream cheese

3. White Bark Chocolate (I got the kind you can melt in the microwave)

You can look at her blog for much prettier pictures and more details if you follow this LINK.

Basically you crush the oreos in a food processor (or put in a plastic bag and then step, punch, kick) so that it is all crumbly. Add the cream cheese (at room temperature) and mix until all combined and creamy. Form into balls or other shapes (I used this recipe to promote our Super Bowl party for our Community Group and turned them into football shapes). Then melt chocolate, dip into the chocolate, set on wax paper and let cool. Refrigerate. Eat.

Here are the super cute football ones she made (my pictures of these did not turn out).

Pepperoni Rolls

2010-02-21T19:29:00.000-08:00

In eighth grade we moved from Wexford (suburb of Pittsburgh), Pennsylvania to Bridgeport, West Virginia. During lunch on my first day of school, I noticed that a few of my classmates were eating what appeared to be plain bread rolls. I thought it was a little odd to eat a plain roll so I asked what it was. They couldn't believe I had never heard of a pepperoni roll and wondered where I was from! Did I mention that Pittsburgh was only a two hour drive away from Bridgeport?! Anyway, I haven't had a lot of pepperoni rolls in my life, but I do LOVE them!

In my previous post I mentioned the homemade pretzels I made...well I thought I'd try to make a pretzel pepperoni roll (because who don't want even more salt in their pepperoni roll?) I made them for one of our women's events with CRU we had this past weekend, and they turned out pretty good...so I thought I'd share with you!

1. Mix the following with the dough hook (if you have a stand mixer, if not I would assume you can stir to combine): 1 1/2 cups warm water, 2 tablespoons dark brown sugar, 1 package active dry yeast, 3 ounces unsalted butter melted...let sit for 5 minutes (look at how bubbly the yeast gets! Kinda fun...almost as cool as hearing Rice Krispie popping when you add milk)

2. Add 2 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt & 5 cups all-purpose flour. Mix on low (with dough hook) until combined and then increase speed to medium until the dough is smooth and pulls away from the bowl (about 3-4 minutes)

*pretty sure you can do this by hand if you punch it (kneading it), it will just take longer

3. Put some vegetable/canola oil in a bowl and "oil the bowl" with it, take the dough and knead it into a ball, turn the dough to coat with the oil and then put in the bowl, cover with a towel and put in a warm place.

4. Let it rise for at least 1 hour. Look how beautiful!!! (not that I tasted the dough at this point, but I did...and it was yummy)

5. Roll the dough out and then use a pizza cutter to cut into small rectangles (squares, triangles, whatever you prefer). You can make these whatever I size you want.

6. Place a few pieces of pepperoni in the middle (I just bought the cheapest store brand kind, but you could get it sliced from the deli or even use turkey pepperoni).

7. Take two opposite ends and twist, then do the same on the other side.

8. You can make it look prettier than this, but this is what I came up with (I could hear Rachel crying from her room, and Logan wanted juice so I was working as fast as I could).

9. Put 3 quarts water in a large pan and bring to a boil. Then add 3/4 cup baking soda (once again, very fun to watch it fizzzzzz).

10. While the water is boiling (this is important; I turned the stove down and the first few were in water that wasn't boiling and they didn't turn out as good) add a few at a time and leave in for about 30 seconds. Use a spoon to make sure the tops are covered by water too.

11. Take out (use a spoon with holes, or spatula with slits) and put on a baking sheet that has been sprayed with oil (if it's not non stick or stoneware you might even consider using wax paper).

12. Crack 2 eggs and mix with 1 tablespoon of water. Use this egg wash to brush on top of the rolls, then sprinkle salt on top.

12. Bake for 12-18 minutes (until golden brown on top and crispy on the bottom) at 425. If you notice the tops are getting too brown and the bottom is still a little underdone (because the pepperoni is working its' greasy magic) then you can put foil on top the last few minutes.

13. Remove from pan once they are out of the oven. Enjoy!

Superbowl Feast

2010-02-18T19:15:00.000-08:00

We've been trying to eat healthy during the week & letting loose during the weekends. So, that meant we went all out for the Superbowl! I've made my share of homemade pretzels in my lifetime, but I've never had pretzels that have turned out THIS good! In case you like pretzels (Auntie Anne's yummmmm) you can check this recipe out & enjoy.

The recipe is from Bobby Flay & the official title is: Soft Pretzels with Queso Poblano Sauce and Mustard Sauce. Chris made both the sauces and they were good, although the cheese sauce was almost too rich (which says a lot coming from me). I followed the directions for the pretzels exactly as stated (although I substituted dark brown sugar for the muscovado sugar). CLICK HERE FOR THE RECIPE.

Here is a picture of the pretzels right out of the oven. My mouth is watering as I remember how soft they were on the inside and a little crunchy on the outside. I wish I had some right now!

Also on our menu:

Hot Dogs (Gourmet Hot Dogs from AJ's Fine Food, and they were amazing)

Potato Skins (bacon, cheese, ranch)

Molten Lava Cake

I've made the Molten Lava Cake before, but I think I prefer this recipe. It was not only easier and faster to make, but it was delicious!!!! It was from the Tasty Kitchen site, which if you have not been to you NEED to check it out! It is a site started by The Pioneer Woman, which if you like food and like blogs you should do yourself a favor and follow her blog. Here are the links:

Tasty Kitchen

The Pioneer Woman

Molten Lava Cakes

And here is a picture of my sweet children enjoying dinner (I know their bibs would have been more appropriate last Superbowl). I think Logan was probably explaining the play to Rachel.

One more random thing, if you have never tried a Tres Leches Cake I urge you to give this one a try. TRES LECHES CAKE. I have only recently heard of it, and when I saw the Pioneer Woman had a recipe I wanted to try it out. We had some of our students over for some homemade lasagna, Caesar salad, garlic bread, and I made this for dessert. If you don't like rich desserts you probably don't want to make it. Also if you don't like the idea of cake being "wet," you'll want to pass. Otherwise, YUMMY!

*Side Note: I'm trying to give up desserts for awhile. Ha! Since I'm not eating them tonight then it's at least nice to think about them (same logic for watching the Food Network late at night when I'm hungry but not going to eat anything).

Haiti

2010-01-16T19:30:00.000-08:00

I am sure like most of you, this last week's earthquake has left me speechless. I literally can not imagine the horror that the people there are experiencing. I was just looking at some of the pictures, and was brought to tears. My heart hurts thinking about all the people who have died, many who are injured and won't receive the help they need in time, and the rest who are left behind waiting.

The last few nights when I've been putting my own children to bed, I can't help but pray for all the children who were already orphans in such a poverty stricken country, and all the new orphans that are there. What a scary, more like "terrifying" experience.

The night the earthquake had happened I told Logan I wanted to him to pray with me, and I tried to figure out what to say to him. I told him we needed to pray for the people of Haiti because a lot of them lost their homes and were outside in the dark without any lights so they might be scared. When it was Logan's turn to pray he said, "and Jesus, please help the people get their flashlights so it won't be dark." After he said amen, he looked at me and said, "Look mom, I didn't lose my house it's right here, and I've got a nightlight so I'm not scared." Then, in the morning the first thing Logan said to me was, "Look mom! The sun came out again. Don't worry it's not dark so the people aren't scared anymore!" I have a feeling it will be a LONG time for the people of Haiti to not be scared anymore.

It is moments like this that I will admit my faith gets tested. I know God is good and I know that He is loving, but I can't help but wonder "why"? I pray for peace for the people, but my own heart questions how that is possible. The whole situation seems so hopeless, and yet I know that there can still be found hope in Jesus...so I will keep praying. HERE is an article called, "Does God Hate Haiti" that helps give some perspective.

I also know I need to pray about what God would have me do, be it financially or in other ways. Our Cru website has a lot of resources if you too are wondering how you can help. You can click HERE (cruatua.com) and click at the top under Haiti Relief & Resources.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T15:52:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas friends & family! We've had quite the "vacation" so far. The Reif family flew/drove in from Iowa, West Virginia, Washington, and Arizona to get together in San Diego. Getting all the kids together has been a blast (Logan is 3, Max is 2 1/2, Rachel & Noah are both almost 10 months), and something we don't get to do but once a year. Unfortunately we've all been sick, and little Noah even had to go to the doctors. Rachel also had her 2 front teeth come in last night ("...all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth"), so there have been a few sleepless nights for all of us. Regardless we've been to the beach a few times, a few parks, the zoo, and we got a date night (Chris me, and my brother and sister in-law) while the grandparents and great-grandma took care of the 4 kids. My younger brother also surprised us by flying in for 2 days, which was great since we hadn't seen him in a year.

With all the chaos I haven't had a lot of time to really reflect on what this season is all about...Christ. When I hold my own baby it is hard to imagine our Savior as a little baby. I think about the faith that Mary must have had, the character of Joseph, and just the amazing plan that God had from the beginning of time to send us His Son, our God in flesh, our sweet Savior. I pray that as my children grow up they will learn more about Jesus, about selfless giving and serving, and about our awesome God than they will about Santa, receiving presents, and all the other distractions that we can fill our Christmas with!

Here are a few of my favorite pictures!

Tis the Season...for photos

2009-12-15T15:54:00.000-08:00

Well...this is my first attempt at Christmas pictures. Tomorrow I am hoping to find an outdoor location in Tucson for Round #2! Getting both kids to sit still, look at the camera (let alone ask them to smile or at least not look angry) is no small task. Wish I had a better camera and could set it to take continuous pictures...but I don't. If I can get some great natural lighting tomorrow, then maybe it will go better?! Anyway, here's some of the attempts.

Birthday Party Part 2: The Guests

2009-11-27T09:53:00.000-08:00

Some day Logan will have a party with kids his own age. We are so blessed to have so many amazing students in our lives that are like family to hang out with Logan on his birthday!

Birthday Party Part 2: The food

2009-11-26T16:10:00.001-08:00

The color theme: green and black. Why? It was more like, why not.

Jello Jigglers. I used a muffin pan that was dinosaur shaped, sprayed it and followed the instructions for jigglers on the package.

This pan was shell shaped (I think you make macaroons in it?). I stuck a gummy worm in them for affect (and because I bought them at the dollar store thinking I could figure out something to do with them).

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I used cookie cutters so they were also dinosaur shaped.

Birthday Party Part 1: Dino Cake

2009-11-26T15:48:00.001-08:00

The supplies: pans, cake mix (decided the assembly would be enough so I opted not to do homemade cakes), wax paper, eggs, oil, spray.

Not pictured: frosting, candy corn, food coloring, toothpicks

The assembly. I found the idea HERE. I made a rough draft on paper to get an idea and then cut out paper to trace all the pieces. I made the cakes 2 nights before, let them cool, wrapped and put in the freezer. Then, I cut and frosted before they were thawed so that I didn't have to deal with crumbs.

Final Product. The brown lumps are not dinosaur poop, just mountains (or extra cake that I was afraid if I didn't use as part of the scenery I would end up eating by myself). Used candy corn for nails, teeth, and eyes. Also, his head wasn't very stable so I stuck a fondue stick in it and since it looked odd I put a happy birthday sign on it so it looked planned. It still looked like it would topple over so I put a sippy cup upside down with gummy worms in it to rest his head on it (he was a hungry dinosaur).

The Happy Birthday Boy. I asked if he wanted to wear his Halloween Costume to the party (glad I splurged and spent the $3 at the thrift store for this outfit. Couldn't have made a costume for cheaper...well unless it were solely made out of paper bags or something). I like how well he matched the cake!

Keeping It Colorful

2009-11-04T20:36:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for a husband who does almost all our grocery shopping ("almost" meaning the only time I am getting groceries is for little items that I need for baking something specific). Chris is an efficient shopper, probably in part because he is great at having a routine! Anyway, two of our favorite grocery stores are Trader Joe's and Sunflower Market. Part of the reason we love these stores is because of all the fresh produce and choices...plus Chris has figured out which place has the better prices on specific items.

Here are a few of the healthier meals we've made lately. I enjoy trying to see what colors we can have included because I've heard (not sure where) that more color means more vitamins and nutrients (wish that applied for frosted doughnuts or skittles).

1. Logan about to enjoy salmon...he was more excited about the picture though. He's been "testing" us lately and sometimes he sits at the table over an hour before he'll eat his food. Eventually he eats what we give him, but he can be stubborn!

2. I started putting my omelette on top of spinach (I like the crunch & I figure it counts as a salad for the day). If I remember, this omelette has some cheddar cheese (not low fat b/c I hate the way low fat cheddar tastes), red & orange peppers, salsa, fat free plain yogurt (instead of sour cream), and avocado. Breakfast of champions!

3. Turkey burger, green beans, sweet potato fries, strawberries.

4. Salmon (click HERE for the recipe), Quinoa, green beans, corn

Now if I could just curb my desire for sweets & sugar! I won't put pictures all the "crap" (for lack of a better word) that I've eaten recently...mostly because it hasn't been homemade!

Idolatry of Image

2009-10-26T15:49:00.000-07:00

We've been doing a series at our weekly meetings about idolatry. Chris and I did a joint talk about the idol of image this past week. (You can click HERE to download any of our weekly meeting talks). I think God is helping me process through a lot of the deep deep sin issues in my life. I am thankful He doesn't throw everything at me at once, but that He continues to help me work towards total freedom in Christ.

Even sharing some of this with our students this past week was rather freeing. If I am totally honest with myself, the reason I often worry so much about how I look is because I do want to impress people and for people to think I'm pretty so they will like me more. Ha ha, for some reason when I say it out loud (or type it in this case) it sounds pretty ridiculous. It seems like the movie (can't think of the name) where the guy tells himself things like "people like you, you are a winner". I do want Christ to be glorified in me, but for that to happen I need to stop focusing so much on ME, ME, ME. It is moments like this I realize how much I need God's grace, mercy and forgiveness because so often I take Christ off the throne of my life and put all these other things in His place. All I can say is: I'm glad God's not done with me yet!

Family Photos

2009-10-26T15:44:00.000-07:00

We are thinking of getting some real (as in we aren't taking them ourselves) family photos sometime in the near future...but until then we hold the camera out and hope for the best. We captured these after church yesterday.

The Ultimate Pumpkin Waffles Recipe

2009-10-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

I've been having some rough nights with Rachel getting up over and over, so this morning after another rough night Chris let me sleep in! Since 9:45 am is brunch time I figured it was the perfect opportunity to make something with the Libby's can of pumpkin sitting in my cupboard. This is the recipe I found and our entire family loved the recipe! I don't have a belgum waffle maker, but it worked just fine in our regular waffle maker.

If you like pumpkin waffles, or want to try them I suggest clicking HERE!

YUMMY!

Let the cookies do the talking

2009-09-29T11:12:00.001-07:00

I mentioned that our Fall Retreat is this weekend, well I got a little inspiration.

Every Tuesday I like to make cookies (or brownies, bread, muffins, etc.) to send with Chris to our Community Group. It's been hard letting go of being able to attend myself, so this is my way of feeling like I am still contributing something. Anyway, I saw these markers on another website (Bakerella's website) and wanted to try them out:

I bought them at Michael's and also decided to buy a big bin of cookie cutters. I figured since the bin of over 100 was less than $10, it didn't make sense to by just the single cookie cutter shape I wanted for $0.79. I'll use the others another time anyway. Here is the CAR cookie without frosting. I just used the basic sugar cookie cut-out in the Better Homes Cook Book.

I love the simple powdered sugar icing recipe. Notice I also made 1 dinosaur. You can guess who that's for! Yes, Logan always wants to try what I make. He's really into dinosaurs lately, so I'm thinking for his 3rd birthday coming up in November I might need to figure out how to make a very large dinosaur cake...that should be fun!

And....here's how the cookies turned out. A few things to note if you ever try these markers: make the icing very thin & let it set. A lot of the cookies looked messed up because anywhere the icing was thick, the markers would sink and make a blob. Needless to say the cookies taste fine, I mean I couldn't give the ugly ones to the students!

My guess is these would look great on fondant, and if you have amazing penmanship or art skills you could literally make a masterpiece. Although, I still think regular frosting probably looks better. However, here is a way that one of my favorite blogs use them and I think it looks pretty awesome. You can decide yourself:

Here is the picture of Bakerella's Candy Apples, quite expressive!

And here's how she made them: YUM

If you think about it, would you pray for our Fall Retreat this weekend? Some of my favorite memories as a student were at our retreats...there are times I wish I were still at OU! We still have room for people to sign up, so pray that more people will sign up, that all the details will come together, for safe travel, and that students will feel connected to one another, and that students will take a look at their lives and decide to really follow Christ whole-heartedly!

Autumn Food

2009-09-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

Although it may not feel like Fall here in Tucson, it's almost October! Some of my favorite memories of Fall include the smell of wood burning in fireplaces, the red, orange, and yellow leaves, and the amazing sound of crunching leaves beneath my feet (one of my favorite things I must admit).

What else do I like? Fall food! Sure, you could eat these foods all year round, but I like to save them for the fall-winter months! I thought I'd share some of my favorite recipes with you!

ROASTED AUTUMN VEGETABLE SOUP:

This is a Weight Watchers recipe, but it is AMAZING (in my opinion). Clock on this LINK to go to their site for the recipe. I like it because each serving is 1 1/2 cups and only 2 points (translating for those of you not familiar with WW: low fat but lots of food & filling!). There is so much flavor. I think this recipe takes a lot of time, but is worth it. I take half of the soup and put it in the freezer for another week.

I like making grilled cheese with the soup, or garlic & tomato grilled cheese: slice a tomato & take the seeds out, when making the grilled cheese put a little cheese on each side of the bread with the tomato in the middle so it isn't soggy. Then sprinkle a little garlic powder on the bread when you flip it. YUM!

PUMPKIN BREAD:

I've realized that I love all things pumpkin (pie, muffins, ice cream), but I think one of my favorites is pumpkin bread. Last year I decided to make it myself since I realized I never had, and I used the recipe out of the Better Homes & Gardens cookbook, and you can find the recipe on this LINK. I am surprised that on the site it was given 4 out of 5 stars, because I thought it was amazing. This one is defiantly NOT a WW recipe (3 cups of sugar, 4 eggs, 1 Cup oil to name a few of the ingredients).

I think one of the keys to this recipe is making sure to wrap it and store over night before cutting into it. Just to make sure the recipe wasn't trying to fake me out, I tried a small piece right out of the oven and then again in the morning after it sat all night...and it was a lot better after sitting. So, if you want to make it, make sure to give it the time it needs for all the flavors to marry! Also, I might try a new recipe soon so I'll let you know if it's better!

CRANBERRY PORK:

I got this recipe from my mom, if she had a blog then I could put her link here....but she doesn't. For this recipe I use 3 ingredients: pork tenderloin (I'm sure other kinds of pork will work, I just like using something without bones in it), cranberries (I use a can & I like it with whole cranberries in it), dry onion soup mix (one packet). Mix the cranberries & onion soup, then put it on top of the pork (I just put the pork in a small glass pan). I bake it at about 375 for about 30-45 minutes (but I check the pork packaging and follow their instructions for baking), and then use a meat thermometer to make sure it's done. Anyway, it's one of the easiest recipes and has lots of flavor.

The next time I make any of these I will take a picture and show you! Happy Autumn!

Next weekend is our Fall Retreat and we're heading to Prescott, Arizona! I'm excited because it looks like the highs will be in the 70's-80's and lows in the 40's!!!! I can wear sweaters! So at least for a weekend I will experience Fall like I always remember it!

In Need of a Makeover

2009-09-21T14:52:00.000-07:00

I was never one to be into fashion. As a matter of fact, I took great pride in the fact that I was a "jeans, t-shirt, tennis shoes" type of girl. I remember the few (and I really mean "few", maybe a handful of times) in high school when I'd wear a skirt and people would comment on it...because I NEVER wore skirts.

I chose to go to college at Ohio University over Miami of Ohio partially because the campus seemed to fit my more relaxed sense of style (meaning I could roll out of bed and if need be, wear my pj’s and a baseball cap to class and I wouldn’t be too out of place). ***Just a note: my friends from OU are fashionable and always look super cute...hence why I always wanted to borrow YOUR clothes.

THEN...I moved to California. Davis was a nice first step for me, because it was a little more down to earth and I didn't feel too out of place (except when I got made fun of for owning a yellow rain coat or wearing hiking boots when I wasn’t hiking).

After we got married we moved to San Luis Obispo. I remember the first time we went to church and I looked around and thought, “I’m never going to fit in here, everyone is so pretty and fashionable.” Honestly all of my friends (and if you are one of my friends from SLO, I'm talking about YOU) were/are always looking so cute and trendy. While in SLO I started caring more about fashion, but didn’t know what to do about it. I don't have the same type of body as most of my friends (case in point: went to a surf shop and tried on the "long" shirts and they didn't exactly look long on me) so what they wore wouldn’t totally work for me. Plus, I worked at Clear Channel Radio and had to wear more semi-professional clothes.

I did find it slightly easier to be a little more fashion forward when I was pregnant, because maternity clothes are "in" (thanks to all the celebs that decided to make maternity so hot & for People magazine rubbing it in my face) right now and it's okay if it's bigger and fits snuggly around the belly (and it's the ONLY time I want to accent my belly).

Where does this leave me right now? IN NEED OF A MAKEOVER!

I’ve come up with a list of some of the REALITIES OF MY LIFE: I work with college students & as I get older, the students we work with remain 18-22 (give or take). I want to look trendy, but I don’t have the time or money to buy a lot of clothes so I need to figure out some classics that can be mixed with some trendy pieces. Since I've had 2 kids, my weight and body is still in "transition" (in other words, I hope to take more of this "baby" and "I'm having a baby so I'll indulge" weight off), so I need things that can fit now and fit as the weight comes off. I want to look cute, but I still have a high value on comfort.

I’ve decided I’m going to keep a “Fashion File” and when I see pictures online or in magazines of outfits I like, I am going to file them away. My big debate is whether or not I go shopping for a few new clothes now or wait until I lose some more weight (maybe this would be motivating?). Either way, I want to have a makeover and so the next time I go shopping I want to be a little more conscious of what I’m buying and looking for.

Don’t you like how I am using this blog as a diary, ha ha! I guess if you find cute outfits or ideas you can pass them on my way! Also, here’s a cute blog I found that shows modest outfits (also a priority, so please don’t send me halter top ideas or dresses that are really supposed to be shirts). http://www.sensiblystyled.com/

THE Banana Bread Recipe

2009-09-08T20:19:00.000-07:00

This is my grandmother's Banana bread recipe, and over the years I have tried new additions (chocolate chips, strawberries, no eggs, flaxseed, etc.), but it's good without any additions as well. I thought I'd share it with you, although this time I did add strawberries because they were either going to be thrown away or made into something yummy!

The original recipe is as follows:

1. Separate 2 eggs

2. Mix: 1 Cup sugar, 1/2 Cup Oleo or butter, 1 Tablespoon Milk, Yolks of 2 Eggs, 3 or 4 bananas mashed, 2 Cups Flour, and 1 Teaspoon Baking Soda

3. Beat egg whites stiff & fold into first part

4. Put in greased bread pan & bake 350 degrees for about 55-60 minutes

*I use one bread pan, my grandma splits it up into 1 large & 1 small, or 3 small. It depends on how big you want your loaf to be. It is easier to cut if you divide it up because the top part doesn't break off as easily.

To make Banana/Strawberry bread I gathered the above ingredients

(to original recipe I added about 2 cups strawberries & increased all ingredients by 1/2)

Separate the egg yolks & whites. I love the kitchen aid mixer because on high it made the egg whites stiff in about 2 minutes. A regular hand mixer will work just fine, but may take longer. Once the egg whites were stiff I transfered to another bowl so I could mix the ingredients together with the mixer.

Using ripe (brown bananas, and mushy strawberries) fruit is much easier to mash, and usually tastes better too.

Here is the batter all mixed up before I put in the bread pans! Since the recipe is 1 1/2 I did put it in 2 regular bread pans, instead of making one large loaf.

And all finished, ready to eat!

Another favorite alteration is the addition of chocolate chips, or adding cocoa powder into the batter, white chocolate chips, and walnuts. Pretty much the sky is the limit.

To make a healthier bread you can take the eggs out and replace with an extra banana and/or applesauce (I think it is one cup per egg), you can replace some of the butter with ground flaxseed...once again you could probably try a lot of different substitutions.

If you make it and try something new/different, I'd love to hear what you do!

Special thanks to my dear Grandma Marsh for passing on her favorite recipes to me!

Arnold Palmer Cupcakes

2009-09-06T20:20:00.000-07:00

An Arnold Palmer is a beverage consisting of half iced tea (either sweetened or unsweetened) and half lemonade named for golfer Arnold Palmer.[1]

The history of the Arnold Palmer per Arnold Palmer and Chris Byrd, founding partner of Arnold Palmer tee. Mr. Palmer had been privately brewing a mixture of lemonade Iced Tea in his home for many years, and in the late 1960's, in a bar in Palm Springs California, Mr. Palmer ordered a mixture of lemonade and Iced Tea and a women seated next to him overheard him and said, "I'll have that Palmer drink." The drink then spread across the golfing world and became known as an, "Arnold Palmer." Innovative Flavors out of Orlando Florida now licenses the drink to beverage companies such as Arizona. (Source: Wikipedia)

This weekend I tried a recipe: Arnold Palmer Cupcakes.

I originally got this idea from the Food Network, specifically Paula Deen. Her stuff always looks amazing, and I wanted to try something with a creative flavor. Click HERE for her recipe. However, after reading the reviews I got nervous and looked up other iced tea cupcake recipes.

This search took me to a blog called Bittersweet, and a recipe the author made up HERE

I looked over both and decided to follow Bittersweet's recipe (although I used regular 2% milk instead of soy milk & I added 2 eggs....not sure why, but it seemed like the right thing to do). They turned out okay, but I think it missed the lemonade flavor & tasted more like lemon iced tea (still moist though, which is always a plus).

If I attempt to make Arnold Palmer cupcakes again I will either try Paula Deen's recipe or consider finding a recipe for lemonade cupcakes & make the iced tea frosting from Bittersweet.

I'd love to hear of fun cupcake flavors that you've tried!This weekend I tried a new recipe, and I am still undecided as to what I really think about it. I mean it did taste like iced tea so I guess I accomplished what I was going for...for the most part!

As I typed this entry, I realized I would really like to figure out how to make Roy Rogers Cupcakes! That's more my type of drink anyway! Hmmm...might have to attempt that soon!

A Roy Rogers is a non-alcoholic mixed drink made with cola (such as Coca-Cola, Pepsi, or R.C. Cola) and grenadine syrup, garnished with a maraschino cherry. It is considered an acceptable cocktail drink for children (since there is no alcohol). For this reason, it may also be called a kiddie cocktail or simply a homemade Cherry Coke.It was named for the cowboy actor and singer Roy Rogers. (source: Wikipedia)

Trial by Error

2009-09-05T20:45:00.000-07:00

So, I've considered creating another blog....one that is public and doesn't really talk about my kids but more about all the projects I am "attempting" (sewing, baking, decorating). The problem is that I don't do the best job updating this blog...so should I do another? Maybe if I did that one, then this one would be more about our family, ministry, and personal random thoughts.

If I do another blog, the name I have thought of is "Trial by Error" because that's what life often feels like. So, what do you think of the name? I want a title that can incorporate whatever I end up talking about. I'm open to suggestions!

What have we been up to? School's back in session so the last few weeks have been a little crazy to say the least. I've transitioned back to the roll of the stay at home mom for the majority of the time, and it's been mostly good. I do miss being on campus and have had to check my heart and apologize (sometimes after I've become jealous or angry at Chris because HE gets to be on campus...can't you hear me whining *cringe*), but I realize I really love being with my kids. If I were on campus all the time and couldn't be with Rachel & Logan I'd be sad, so it goes to show that the grass is always greener on the other side.

I bought a book called "Five Aspects of Woman: a Biblical Theology of Femininity" that I'm excited to read & study. I'll let you know what I think of it. Hopefully it will help give me an eternal perspective as I think about my role as a woman, wife, mom, etc.

Logan (2 years 9 months) & Rachel (6 months) are a lot of fun to be around (for the most part, but I guess that's assumed). Rachel is rolling all over the place, saying dada, baba, smiling, screaming for joy, wanting more and more attention, and laughing (mostly at Logan). Logan is running, jumping, wrestling, pretending, and playing itty bitty sports at the YMCA. Itty Bitty sports is for 3-5 year olds, but they let him play and it's a lot of fun to watch. So far they have learned some soccer skills, and this week they'll have a scrimmage (it will be entertaining to say the least). Logan is a really great big brother most of the time, and I think these two are going to be great friends!

Okay, I'm sure I could write more, but this is a blog not a diary!

We made it to Colorado!

2009-06-25T19:54:00.000-07:00

We left AZ on Friday, spent the night in Santa Fe and made it to Ft Collins, Colorado on Saturday. Hard to believe it hasn't even been a week yet, because it feels like we've already done so much! Chris is in class Monday thru Friday from 9-11:30 and 1-3:00 and drops Logan off on his way. Logan loves making new friends and can't wait each day to go to "school"!

So far I've been able to work out each morning (either Billy Blanks workout video or power walking), shower, clean up, spend some time with the Lord, and eat lunch all before picking up Logan at 1:30. It's been fun spending time with Rachel without Logan getting jealous, and then I have a lot of energy left when he is home to run around or go swimming (there is a pool a few hundred feet from our door).

Each evening Chris has had to study, so I've been able to hang out with some of the other wives/moms' from our region and a few from other regions that I know from college. This is one of my highlights so far because it feels like being in college again (well, except we're married and have kids with early bedtimes so one of us has to stay back with the kiddos).

Tomorrow is our 5 year anniversary! I can't believe it has already been 5 years! WOW! Two of our good friends (Jeff & Robyn) are going to watch the kids so we can go out on a date. I seriously think we haven't gone out on a date since September or so, so we are both VERY excited to get away together. We are going out to dinner and to a movie, so nothing too crazy, but something we really enjoy! A year ago we found out we were pregnant with Rachel, so that's fun to think about too!

Anyway, I know this blog post is a bit random, oh well! Also, decided to chop my hair off. May not look "chopped" but considering how long it was it feels like it is. I got a few red hairlights and did an all over color to get back to the roots. Fun, feels like a mini makeover, which reminds me I want to paint my toe nails before tomorrow...better go!

Stress & laugher hand in hand

2009-06-10T21:15:00.001-07:00

I do love my sweet family, and my darling kids...but there are some moments of complete stress. Just this morning I was trying to take care of Rachel who was crying and didn't want put down and Logan who thought he would cry too b/c that seemed to get mommy's attention. After what felt like hours (it was probably only minutes) I told Logan (in a surprisingly calm voice) that I thought Mommy was losing it. His response? He stopped crying and told me he would find it! If only it was the simple. I asked if he knew what I had lost, to which he gave me a quizzical look and simply said he would find it. I told him I didn't think he would find it because mommy had lost her mind. I told him if he did find it to let me know because I imagine it is very useful not to lose.

I have to keep telling myself that this is only a season of life, and that it will go by quickly so I need to cherish each moment. I look at some other parents who seem to have it all together, for example: a lady at the doctor's had 4 girls: 2 twins that looked to be about 5, 1 who looked to be about 1 1/2 or so and a 9 day old. I asked her how it was with four, and she said so calmly and sweetly that it wasn't that hard and that her girls were so helpful (and not only did she look like she really believed that, but she had a 9 day old baby and she didn't look like she had ever been pregnant!). Ha! How easy it is to compare my life to others, but that's not what it is all about either!

I guess (as I ramble on and on and really have no point to this blog post really, except I thought I'd add our latest family photo and then found myself typing) what I'm realizing is that I just desperately need Jesus! I imagine that finding peace and joy in Him in every stage or phase or season of life would help me enjoy it better. Easier said then done, mainly because I keep trying to do everything in my own strength instead of relying on Him. Prayerfully I will figure this out in my heart soon and not just in my head!

Lillian Ray...what former students are up to!

2009-06-02T09:37:00.000-07:00

Facebook is great for reconnecting me with so many people from grade school, high school, college, my days of interning at UC Davis with Campus Crusade for Christ, friends from our years on the central coast, and everyone else in between up until our lives here on staff with CRU at the Uof A!

One of the girls I met when I was at UC Davis is Beth. Recently (thanks facebook) I learned about one of her many adventures (besides starting a wedding/event planning business with her mom and being an awesome wife to Tim), and wanted to share it with you.

First, check this out:

This is one of the many hand made (crazy awesome huh?) jewelry designs she has made. If you are into jewelry (or know someone who is), you should check out her etsy site:

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6827707

She also makes pillows that are uber cute, and we all know how much I am into sewing these days! So, here's to Beth using the creative gifts God has given her!!!

Once upon a run

2009-05-31T16:35:00.000-07:00

A year ago today I was very very sore. Why? Because I had just completed my first full marathon. I trained and ran with one of my good friends Elise...and two of our other friends dropped us off and then cheered us on (surprise signs and all!). I was probably in some of the best shape of my life.

Yesterday I tried to get my first "official" work out in since having Rachel. Ha! When Logan was 3 months old up until Rachel was born I would get my work out in during his nap...but now my two kids don't like to nap at the same time (yet). So, I got through half a workout video before Logan was bored. I tried to get him to race me around the house (usually his favorite thing to do, especially when I was VERY pregnant and unable to move), but he didn't want to do that...and then I turned on some Michael Jackson and thought we could have a dance party....he just wanted to hide and have me find him.

So, all in all I think it may be awhile longer this time around before I get back in shape. I will admit that this is fairly discouraging. I have a lot of weight to lose (partially because of having a baby 3 months ago, and partially because I spent 9 months living it up) and it is easier to lose when I get to do some sort of intense workout. Also, I just feel better when I am able to run or do aerobics.

I wasn't discouraged after having Logan, and just had the attitude of "one day at a time," but that is harder this time around. I don't know if this is because of my own unrealistic expectations (thinking since I didn't put on as much pregnancy weight that I'd have less to take off afterwards so it'd be easier), or because I can't help but see all these celebrities back in amazing shape just weeks after having their babies. Either way, I am "trying" to hang in there and maybe a year from now I will be back running and in some of the best shape of my life. We'll see!

My baby is better!

2009-05-30T17:04:00.001-07:00

The medicine appears to be working and Rachel is in much less pain! Praise the Lord! We saw her pediatrician yesterday and she agrees with the diagnosis. Thanks again for all the prayers for our daughter! She still isn't 100%, but we'll keep monitoring it. I've talked to several friends (and my nephew Max also had GER as a baby) and have a few other things I can try if it doesn't keep improving (like taking all dairy out of my diet, pumping and using a bottle to feed her).

Here are some pictures from today!

Another holiday in the ER

2009-05-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

The last 24 hours have been some of the scariest for me as a mom. As you read (if not see below), Rachel has been fussy for a few weeks. It had gotten worse on Friday and Saturday to the point that I couldn't get her to nurse much at all. She would stiffen up her body and scream/cry. On Sunday (yesterday) I got worried that she was going to be dehydrated. We called our doctor's emergency line and explained her symptoms to the nurse and she agreed that since she wasn't eating we should probably go to the ER.

So, we quickly packed up for what we thought would be a pretty easy trip to the ER, figuring they would say she had an ear infection, and they'd send us home with medicine and a huge holiday bill. However, we were in for much more than that.

They got us back into a room relatively quickly, which was great since I didn't want Rachel in an ER with contagious people. When the doctor looked at her, there was no ear infection or red throat...but Rachel still wouldn't eat and she started stiffening up and crying like she had been. The next thing I know the doctor is ordering all sorts of test and mentioning meningitis as a possible culprit.

Over the next 8 hours at the first ER Rachel had a lumbar puncture (to test spinal fluid for meningitis), belly xrays (to make sure nothing internal was twisted), catheter to check urine, blood drawn, and dye put in her eyes to make sure she didn't scratch her cornea. The initial blood work was inconclusive so she got the shots of antibiotics in case it was meningitis (the doctor explained how quickly it can attack and kill babies, which obviously scared me to tears) and then we waited. Finally at 1 am all the tests came back and were fine (except for mild dehydration & low oxygen levels in blood), but no answers...so they transferred us to another hospital with a pediatrics unit.

We arrived around 2 am and got Rachel settled in. The nurse said the doctor suspected acid reflux so her crib was elevated so she slept with her head up. She nursed better in the morning, and the doctor came to check on her. So, we are 99% sure it is GER, which you can read about here if you want more info. The mysery was that she never spits up (maybe 5 times in the 3 months), has never thrown up or had blood in her stool. http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/gerdinfant/index.htm

She is started on medicine and we'll have to switch her sleeping position, nurse her in a different position, and keep her upright for 20 minutes after nursing...but otherwise she should be fine and outgrow it eventually. The good news is that she has nursed pretty well today and had wet diapers, so she isn't dehydrated. Her fussiness is already a little better as well!

So...with all that explained: here are a few things that ran through my mind.

1. Fear, and with that much praying and eventually surrender. It is scary to all of a sudden realize that my child's health isn't in my hands (and really never has been). I remember praying and asking God to make sure she would be okay...but there was one moment when I realized I also had to surrender my daughter to Him. I had to pray that God's will be done and I had to trust Him no matter what would happen. As I prayed and said, "but your will be done" I fought it because I was scared what that could mean...but peace soon followed as I realized that God would see us through whatever would come. I know by writing it, it seems like it was easy to pray that because she is fine...but trust me, it wasn't. I remember looking down at her and in my head I said, "Rachel if you are sick and you don't make it...these 3 months with you were worth the heartbreak and I am so glad I got to know you and love you". I am starting to tear up again as I think about losing her, even though I know now she is fine.

2. We are never promised tomorrow. I know that this is true, but after Rachel got her antibiotics and I was holding her I looked out our window into the hallway. A woman was sobbing, and a man walked over, put his arm on her and led her down the hallway. The man, and another couple were all somber and carrying coffee. Earlier we had heard "code blue" and saw an ambulance arrive, all the staff running towards the door, and Chris thought he saw a young child. I don't know exactly what happened, but my guess is that a life was lost that very night right down the hall from us. I may never get the look of that woman (my guess is the mother) out of my head, and even as I type my heart hurts for her and tears fill my eyes. Why did her child die and mine live? Why will she never have a Memorial Day weekend again where those memories don't pop in her head and she re-lives the pain and heartbreak that changed her life? I don't know. Yes, I do believe God is good and He is loving, and I know that pain and suffering is a result of the Fall and sin...but a huge part of me still wonders why...and I think I am okay with that.

Thanks for everyone who prayed for us (I was able to update twitter & facebook thru our phone) and for our sweet Rachel. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I could hold my baby girl and my big toddler boy and never want to let them go b/c I just want to protect them and make sure they never leave me, but I also know that I have to trust God and that they are a gift from Him. Sometimes being a mommy is really hard, but I know it is so worth it!

Crying & Traveling...sometimes at the same time

2009-05-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

Looks innocent here, but still have to keep my eyes on Logan when he is around Rachel. He has tried to hurt her a few times and is dealing with a little (or a lot) of jealousy. Hopefully they'll be the best of friends in a few months!
This picture (above) is from Mother's Day. Chris was gone picking up our new car so I took the kids out to eat with me. First time taking just the two of them out to a restaurant, but went well!
Gotta love the smiling stage! Look at that sweet face (I know I am partial!)

One word to sum up how I am right this minute: TIRED

A week ago Wednesday we left AZ and traveled to the Central Coast of CA, which was once our home sweet home. We've been staying up in Paso Robles with Chris' mom and dad, spent a weekend in Morro Bay with 4 other couples and 3 other kids (the 10 of us were in our young married Bible study when we first moved to SLO...hope to get some pictures up soon), and have been traveling every day down the grade to San Luis Obispo or Arroyo Grande to meet up with friends/ministry partners.

Praise the Lord for our new (to us) mini van that has made all the driving a lot more comfortable, and also for the kids who have been pretty good in the car. We made the initial drive in a little over 10 hours, with only 1 stop for lunch/bathroom break/gas and 1 stop off the road to feed Rachel (Logan and Chris threw the baseball while they waited).

So, what's with the "crying" part of my title? This is mostly Rachel right now. For the last 2 weeks she has been having crying episodes during the day that last until I can hold her tight and she falls asleep, or I stand up and hold her with pressure on her belly and keep rocking her. I am pretty sure that she is having horrible gas pain...but not totally sure what to do. I gave up coffee, because I thought that might be it (I am nursing), but she has gotten worse the last few days. We did have gas drops, and have recently started to try gripe water, which worked great when Logan was a baby...but doesn't seem to be helping.

*So, if you have any tricks that work for your kids PLEASE PASS ON TO ME!

Anyway, I know this is probably just a phase but it is fairly exhausting for sweet Rachel and for me right now. Thank goodness Grandma Jayne has been helping with Logan this week! Hoping when we head back to Tucson next week that she will be okay on the drive! We'll then be home for a few weeks before we pack up and head to Colorado for 6 weeks so Chris can take seminary classes and we can both attend our staff conference! Fun, fun, fun!

8 weeks later

2009-04-22T21:20:00.000-07:00

Looking at my "baby" boy reminds me just how fast these little kiddos grow up, but...."seriously, has it been 8 weeks already for my baby girl?" Yep, 8 weeks ago tomorrow my little Rachel was born. She is now smiling and cooing and showing more bits of her laid back and relaxed personality. She truly is such a sweetheart and seems pretty content most of the day hanging out while I play with Logan.

Sleep Deprivation taking toll

2009-03-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

I can't believe Rachel is 3 weeks old today! I keep trying to do mini photo shoots with her and Logan. I got one picture with her eyes open when they aren't crossed, and here it is. This is her St. Patrick's day outfit, my lady in green (and pink of course).

I am going to admit that the lack of sleep is taking its toll. There have been a few nights when I get up to feed Rachel and am up for 2 1/2 hours b/c she is gassy and won't go back to sleep (making my combined sleep from 11pm-7am totaling 3 hours sometimes). As long as I hold her and help massage her stomach, she doesn't cry...but when I put her down she starts. She is also going through a growth spurt and is hungry every 1 1/2 hours (besides the few hours she'll nap during the DAY...ha, ha, go figure!).

The one thing I am realizing more and more is my need for God's grace and to depend on Him for strength and energy, and PATIENCE. That seems to be the first thing that goes out the window when I am tired. My biggest prayer right now is that I would really walk in the power of the Holy Spirit and not rely on my own strength (b/c I don't have any!).

Week two

2009-03-10T15:49:00.001-07:00

Logan has taken to his "big brother" role very well! While my parents were visiting this week, he transitioned into his big boy bed without any problems or getting out in the middle of the night! We are praying that potty training soon will be as easy (chuckle chuckle).

It was great to get a picture with my daughter, mother, and grandmother! I never knew my great grandparents so this is especially special!

And finally here is the short version of her birth:

Not counting the contractions I had all night, labor (with strong contractions) was about 7 1/2 hours with about 5 minutes of pushing (making it about 1/4 of what it was with Logan's 28 hours and 2 1/2 hours of pushing). We had a few scares b/c when they started me on pitocin her heart rate dropped due to the intensity of the contractions and the cord that was wrapped around her belly (an oxygen mask, 5 nurses running in to reposition me, and stopping the pitocin got it back to normal), and when she was born her shoulders got stuck for a min so they thought her clavicle was broken (turns out she is fine but was sore for a few days), and she was blue and not crying at first until they got the umbilical cord cut off around her. Now, though she is fine. A week later and she surpassed her birth weight (8 lbs. 14 oz now) and is healthy as can be! Praise the Lord!

We are doing fine, just really tired as we get adjusted to her feeding schedule. Also dealing with the normal post labor stuff and crazy hormones. Luckily I do remember that "eventually" some normalcy returns and that God's grace is sufficient! Prayers are welcomed always!

Rachel Kay Warren is here!

2009-02-27T19:46:00.000-08:00

Will write more later. We are still in hospital and I have Rachel in one hand and typing with the other hand. She was 8 lbs. 10.6 oz. 21 inches long...a BIG baby! Labor & delivery MUCH better than with Logan...more later. Here are pictures:

Baby Girl on the Way!!!!!

2009-02-25T17:31:00.000-08:00

OUR BABY GIRL IS COMING TOMORROW February 26, 2009!!!

My doctor has scheduled me to come in at 6am to be induced tomorrow! We are so excited!!! I have been having contractions for the past few hours that are getting a little more intense, so it is possible I may end up at the hospital before 6am. Either way, should make tomorrow go smoother and faster than the last time I was delivering a baby!

Logan will be taken care of by Steve, Dre, Alisha, and DJ who are not only good friends here in Tucson, but also our staff team! He loves them and they are basically his family here, so I know he'll be in good hands. Pray for them though as he is a bundle of energy and when they are around he thinks that it is play time non-stop!

The next time I post I'll let you know the name of our sweet little girl...and I'll post pictures! Thanks for your friendship and prayers!

Sleepless night & trip to the hospital

2009-02-12T17:54:00.000-08:00

Last night was "interesting". All day yesterday I had pain/pressure in my lower abdomen, with an occasional contraction. Had a few more contractions around 10-11 pm. Then, when I went to bed around midnight it hurt to lay down. I did anyway, but had consistent contractions for 2 hours (not terribly painful, more annoying...but it was painful laying down).

Finally, got up around 2 am and sat in my rocker and watched TV. Started timing contractions around 2:30 and for an hour they were consistently 5-6 minutes apart. So, I remained calm (eerily calm to tell you the truth) and decided I would take a shower and get ready for the hospital if it came to that (plus I couldn't sleep anyway).

Around 5 am I was still having contractions and didn't know if my water had broken so we called our friends to come over (can't forget to have Logan taken care of) and took off for the hospital. My water was not broken and my contractions weren't consistent or close enough to stay at the hospital, so we got home about 7 am.

Thankfully my contractions have calmed down a bit today (as long as I am sitting or laying down and not moving) so I have been able to rest. I did have my weekly doctor's appointment late morning and she said that my contractions could start up again and the baby be here soon, or not for a few days, or they could stop for awhile and not come back for a few weeks.

We know that this is all in God's timing, but it is sure hard not knowing when everything is going down! I wonder if we'll have another baby born on the 14th (Valentine's Day is in 2 days) or if she'll wait until my Grandma's birthday (the 21st) or my dad's (the 22nd) or pick her own day? I just hope (mainly for our friend's sake who come over to take care of Logan, and for Chris too) that I don't have to take a trip to the hospital in the middle of the night again!

Any day...or maybe a month

2009-02-09T17:42:00.000-08:00

Above are a few pics of baby's room: the "changing table" was once our kitchen island, then was in Logan's room for a changing table, and recently I fixed up the drawers with some fancy paper and mod podge so it is girly; finished the quilt (pics in last post) and sewed matching curtains; and the students finished the amazing artwork!

This Wednesday (in 2 days) I will be 37 weeks!!! It is crazy to think that Logan was already born at this point. Needless to say, I am feeling the "time crunch". Last pregnancy I was praying "Lord, if it is your will please let this baby come early b/c I can't imagine getting any bigger". Ha! This time I am praying "Lord, if it is your will please let this little girl wait until at least the 16th so that my doctor will be back in town and so I can enjoy fondue on Valentine's Day".

The good news (well, besides the fact that we're having another baby!) is that at my doctor's appointment I found out I am already beginning to dilate! Praise Jesus! Last time my water broke before any contractions had started...which I found out recently, is the longest and usually hardest labor. Glad I didn't know that when I was in labor, perhaps I would have panicked? I am also having contractions on and off (and have for a few days). I do realize this could continue for weeks.

This time I do have bags already packed (hair-bands included since I didn't even pack that much last time), and we have a plan for friends coming over to watch Logan (which is a huge blessing since we don't have family nearby this time). There are still a lot of little things I would like to get done before she gets here, but if she comes I think we are ready enough (as ready as you ever are to bring home another child).

The biggest thing we are praying for and "waiting" on God's timing is getting a bigger car. The biggest reason we are waiting is we are trying/needing to sell Chris' car. We should be able to get a decent amount of money out of it b/c it is in great condition, has never been in an accident, etc...but we don't want to move forward until it is sold. So, if you remember and have time we'd love your prayers that his car would sell, and it would sell soon!

Hope you enjoy the pics of her mostly finished room! And if I don't post until after I have her, then the next post will have pictures of our little girl...and yes, then I will tell you all her name!

Baby Sister's room coming along!

2009-01-25T22:10:00.000-08:00

I will keep this short because I am really tired and feeling nauseous. Got to love how miserable the end of pregnancy is (I am 34 1/2 weeks)! I guess it is God's way of making me a little less fearful of labor, because I know in the next month I will get to the point where I just want her out and for my hormones to get back to a normal place.

Anyway, here are a few of the latest things:

1. We decided on a name!!! Sorry, can't tell you because we are keeping it secret until she is born. However, I am excited that we finally decided. I even went so far as to start embroidering a onsie with the name. I guess if we change our minds I can find someone on craigslist with the same name to sell it to?!

2. PUPPPs...have you heard of it? Well, it is my latest (very rare) joy of pregnancy. It is basically a VERY itchy rash that only 1% of pregnant women get and usually those carrying twins or in their 1st pregnancy. I am "special". The good news, however; is that I know people have been praying and I seriously think God has taken away some of the itchiness in the last 2 days. This is basically a miracle b/c it is not supposed to get better or go away until after the baby is born. Thank you Jesus!

3. The room!!!! Two amazingly talented and amazing "in general" students we work with are helping paint the baby's room. Chris and I did the base coat (the green) and then I bought paint and gave them freedom to do whatever. I did ask for a large tree, but said it could be simple if they wanted. Well, check out how awesome this looks so far!!! I love it! I feel bad b/c it is taking them so long, but they say it is "therapeutic" so really they should be thanking me (just kidding).

4. Quilt: done!!!! I guess I can teach myself to sew after-all. I am hoping this week to sew some curtains to match and get them up.

5. Nesting: Chris is hoping to find time to move the big boy bed into Logan's room and we can move the furniture into baby's room (changing table, which I modge podged and will show pictures soon; a dresser; and the cradle). Can you tell that I am nesting? Since Logan came 2 weeks from NOW (ahhhhhh) I am starting to panic slightly. I just don't feel prepared. So, I am fine if she wants to wait until I am 38 weeks or maybe even 39 (although I'll get back to you about that in a few weeks). I am actually hoping she'll come on Feb. 21 or 22 b/c the 21st is my grandma's birthday and the 22nd is my dad's birthday...although maybe she'll take her time and come at 41 weeks?! No knowing!

Okay, enough rambling! Post more pics as the room progresses!

Happy New Year

2009-01-14T08:04:00.000-08:00

We survived another holiday season and enjoyed all the family and friends we got to see. Chris' family came for Christmas and we had a great time relaxing with them. It is hard to be so far away from all our family, so we really cherish the times we can get together.

We spent the days following Christmas at our Winter Conference in San Diego. The weather was beautiful, and even though it was "work" we got to see a lot of our staff friends that are all over the Pacific Southwest. As a mom with a young child, I don't get to participate in as much so that Logan can get in naps and go to bed at a reasonable time. However, I was blessed to be next door to one of my good friends. After we put our kids to bed at night she would come over and we'd whisper and watch tv on low. Robyn is a huge blessing in my life. We met last summer on project in Santa Monica, and we'll be spending this summer together in Colorado!

On New Year's Eve we were able to visit with my little (I mean younger) brother who was traveling from Mexico to Lake Tahoe, and happened to be stopping in San Diego. We were all set to rest that afternoon after seeing him, but our plans changed. Logan hit his head on some bricks outside our hotel room and the cut was deep enough we knew he needed stitches. So, Chris, Logan and I spent about five hours in the Emergency Room so Logan could get stitches. The little guy was such a trooper considering he had no nap and had to "wait" for a long time. We all survived, with a few tears...but Logan did get 2 stuffed animals (this particular hospital doesn't see kids very often) and our nurses and doctor were excellent. Logan was great about not pulling off his face stickers (aka: bandaids), and he only has a small scar above his eyebrow.

I think the three of us were all in bed around 9:30 on New Year's Eve night, and didn't hear the celebrations at midnight. Happy New Year! Ha!

When we got home, my good friend Jessie was able to visit for a few days. Not only was it great to spend time with her, but it was so helpful having another pair of hands (and energy) to help with Logan! We took Logan to the zoo and then mostly relaxed, but did enjoy a few card games at night with Chris.

School starts today so we are ready to go full speed ahead! In the meantime we are also trying to finish up stuff for the baby girl's room. As soon as that gets done I will post some pictures!

Hope you and your family had a safe and healthy New Year!

The joys of being pregnant during holiday season: guilt free desserts!

2008-12-05T13:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know that the more I overindulge now, the more I will pay for it after the baby comes. That may help some people avoid the temptation to give into cravings and meals that consist of mainly desserts...but for some reason, not me (even though it took running a marathon to get the weight off last time). I have been "craving" bread pudding for about 2 months, so last night I decided to makes some. YUMMY! I made banana chocolate chip bread pudding, and then put a little caramel sauce on it. Here is the recipe.

The only changes I made were instead of slicing bananas, I used 3 ripe and mashed them and added to initial ingredients; I added a few more chocolate chips; and used about 1/4 less sugar. It tasted good hot and out of the oven, and great cold for breakfast!

We have a Christmas cookie exchange tonight, and I wanted something easy, good, and unique. For years my family has made "CHRISTMAS WINDOWS" that are supposed to resemble stained glass windows. These are one of my favorite recipes (I have yet to heat up and put between graham crackers, but should) and are super easy.

Recipe: 1 bag (12 oz) chocolate chips (I used semi sweet); 1 stick butter; 1 bag mini colored marshmallows; powdered sugar. Heat chocolate and butter in microwave until melted. Let cool a bit, then add marshmallows. Put powdered sugar on wax paper, pour the mixture on top, add more powered sugar and wax paper. Form into a log. Put in refrigerator. When cooled down and solid, cut into slices. Then ENJOY!

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the BED BUGS BITE!

2008-12-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

To make a long story short (or shorter at least):

1. About 7 or so weeks ago I started getting red bumps on my skin.

2. Thinking it would affect my pregnancy, went to my ob/gyn and she thought they were hives.

3. After about 4 weeks of suffering, blood tests, etc. went back and she got me a referral to a dermatologist.

4. He then diagnosed it as really dry skin (which, in part, it was dry skin due to consistent itchy and scratching, and not using any moisturizers b/c I thought I was allergic to everything).

5. Went away a few days to a conference, "dry skin" got better...came home and woke up with new itchy spots on my legs and arms (and worse than before).

6. 1:30 am did research online and thought it might be bedbugs

7. Around 3:30pm the day before we leave for Thanksgiving in West Virginia, turn mattresses over and confirm that is indeed what it is.

What do you do about bed bugs? Well, let me first say that the site I looked at was very informative, but not very reassuring. I called a pest guy right away and so he came the morning we left. We have had to put all our sheets and clothes in the laundry (just in case) so for 2 days now we've been having the washer and dryer running ALL DAY (I'll never look at only 2-3 loads the same b/c that will seem easy). He sprayed some stuff and then let off some bomb thing and would follow up in 14 days...

I didn't have any problems in WV or the 1st night we were home (slept in guest room until we knew what to do). However, this afternoon have had a few "bites" on my lower back, arm, and leg. So, I am ready to have a meltdown about it b/c I just want it to be over. I called the pest guy back and he said to call in the morning and he'll come back to follow up. The good thing is that he guarantees to get rid of them. The bad thing is that I am losing my mind and paranoid.

So, here's to praying that the bedbugs go away and the itching stops.

Oh yeah, here's one random thing. Chris & Logan haven't had any bites or spots. Since Chris and I share a bed and he didn't have any bites I figured it couldn't be bedbugs, but the site said that sometimes they do bite and one person might not be allergic to the bites and won't react. Also, for some reason they attack women more often. Just random fact to know.

Mystery is solved, but please don't say to me "good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite" because now that I know how real and rude they are...ICK!

Train/Elmo cake is done! Ready for the party!

2008-11-12T23:02:00.001-08:00

I just finished getting Logan's cake all done! All right before midnight, not too shabby. Chris and I even managed to move it to the guest bedroom for the night so Logan won't see it until right before his party tomorrow. Prayerfully we'll be able to get it back to the table tomorrow without anything breaking, falling, etc. I am also praying it will all be in tact tomorrow (oreo's, elmo's face, etc.).

Elmo's face is a little freaky, but I think Logan will figure it out. The Elmo face is his cake, the one he can destroy, eat, whatever. The train will be for the 30+ students that say they are coming over to party with Logan tomorrow night.

I can't believe that my little baby is turning 2!!! Crazy! His birthday is the 14th (Friday), but figured a Thursday night would be easiest for a little party. Also, the 13th is when I went into labor, so really the cake is for me for what I went through!

Anyway, for those of you who can't join us tomorrow, here are the pictures, wish I could save you a piece!

Baby Showers means craft time!

2008-11-10T21:22:00.000-08:00

Our church must have something in the water, because I've been to a lot of baby showers recently. Personally, I love it! After receiving a hooter hider from a friend when Logan was born, I decided I would begin to sew some myself. Here is the tutorial I have been using. I also added material in the inside corner of the latest one so it can function as a burp clothe.

Since I am sewing so much, I also ordered my own labels on etsy. Since Chris sometimes calls me Vaness I figured I'd use that name.

I am still embroidering onsies, so I put a picture of the latest I have worked on. I like to put the baby's name on them, but I don't want to post those on here for privacy.

And finally, the last thing I am working on is pacifier pockets. I saw some (also known as pacifier pods or pacifier purses) in a high-end children's store this summer in Santa Monica. A few weeks ago I found this tutorial online. I added a strap on the back so it can be clipped to a purse or diaper bag. I will modify a few things next time. Her tutorial was great, but I messed up a few things and had to hand stitch a little because I was confused. Probably my lack of sewing experience.

All in all though, I am having so much fun with my sewing machine. I can't wait to start sewing dresses for our little girl!!!

Logan's birthday is on Friday, we are having a party with cake and balloons on Thursday night. We invited our students to come if they want. I am going to be making a 3-D train cake and a small Elmo face for Logan's cake he can destroy. I did all the baking on Saturday, and then froze the cakes so that I can take them out on Wednesday morning and decorate that night. I ended up making 6 boxes of cake mix! Should be enough...although college students are always hungrier than I think! I'll post pictures of how that turns out later this week (assuming it turns out well!).

Baking Soda and Hives

2008-11-08T19:22:00.000-08:00

During one of my late night/early morning itch fests due to my hives, I did some online research at 4am. I wanted to see what other "home" remedies people had tried and worked to help relieve the pain and itchiness with hives. I'm come to accept that I may be allergic to my hormones because of this little baby girl, so my fate may mean that I have hives until she is born. In any case, I have stopped eating nuts, strawberries, and melons. I should eliminate chocolate next because I've seen on some sites that it can be a common allergen.

Anyway, I saw on one person's posts online that whenever their hives would break out and itch they would put a little baking soda in a little water and then rub it on the hives. So, this is what I have been doing for about 3 days now.

I am happy to report that it helps with the itching better than anything I have used (which includes the cortisone prescription my doctor gave me). The hives haven't gone away entirely, but seem to subside now and then in places. I have had a few new ones pop on (2 on my neck, one large one on my face near my eye, my upper legs), but mostly still arms and hands.

I am thankful for the relief I have received from the baking soda and have stopped using the other creams and will just keep using this for now. So, that is the hive update for anyone who was wondering.

We are having a GIRL!

2008-11-06T11:55:00.000-08:00

Click on the individual picture to get a close up of what I typed in to explain each picture!

We had our doctor's appointment this morning and are excited to announce that Logan is going to have a baby sister! Baby looks healthy (heart, brain, spine, bladder, etc.). The doctor asked us if we wanted to know the sex and we said yes. Then she asked what we wanted. I said I would be fine with either a boy or a girl, but I just figured it was a girl. Chris also has thought it is a girl. Maybe it is the hives, and with Logan I had acne that made us think it. Although, I've thought that all along. When I was pregnant with Logan I was convinced he was a boy, and just had the same feeling this time that it was a girl. I do hope Logan has a brother someday, but I think he will be so sweet with a little sister!

We aren't going to announce her name until she is born (yes, this is hard for me to do). One, we haven't totally decided, and two...it just will be a fun surprise we think! So, I scanned our ultrasound pictures and then put them in photoshop and have tried to outline what I think the doctor said the pictures are of. Here is our pretty little princess...ha, that sounds so funny to say.

By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org

2008-11-05T14:49:00.000-08:00

As I am researching for a talk I am giving at our weekly meeting next week, I came across this article written by John Piper (my talk is about dating, not about abortion just to clarify...I just came across this and felt compelled to read).

Even last night as Chris and I were going to bed, we were talking about the election and then talking about abortion. As we were discussing it, I felt this little baby kicking me. Life is so precious. Tomorrow we find out if we are having a boy or a girl and there are pros for having either, so I am excited either way! I pray that this child is safe and healthy, and that I will be too (so far so good, despite the hives). Amazing to be talking about something that directly affects so many unborn children, while my unborn child is very much alive saying "here I am mom!".

Anyway, this article was really really good. Jesus is so amazing and so full of grace, so even if you are reading this article and have had an abortion, or encouraged someone to have one...there is hope and forgiveness! Praise Jesus! I hope you take the time to read it.

My friend's thoughts on the election...

2008-11-05T14:18:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share this with all of you because I thought it was so well written. Just click on the title above and it will take you to her blog.

A New President

2008-11-04T22:08:00.000-08:00

This election has been very interesting. I think even more interesting is how people are responding to the results.

I will admit, I voted for McCain/Palin. The biggest issue for me is the abortion issue. I can not in right conscience vote for someone who will support the killing of innocent babies. I do have concerns about how this will all play out with Obama in office.

However, with that said, God is in control. I choose to put my hope and trust in Him regardless of who our President is. I feel blessed to live in a Country that I get to have a vote.

Just like I don't think we can blame Bush for everything going on right now (economic, war, etc.), I don't think we can expect that Obama will have either all the answers, or will somehow ruin our country. Give me a break!

My biggest prayer right now is that God will be glorified. I do pray that Christians who voted for McCain will respond in a way that is honoring to the Lord, because I've already heard and seen stuff that makes me sick to my stomach. (I realize that a lot of Christians also voted for Obama, and so know that I am not assuming if you are a Christian you had to vote one way or another, I am just making a note about some of the responses I have seen).

May Jesus be the source of my peace, hope, and fulfillment, and may I seek to honor Him in all that I do, say and think!

Obama, I will be praying for you as you lead our Country! Congratulations.

Princess Leia and Yoda, Halloween Costumes

2008-11-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

I got a sewing machine for my birthday (thank you Chris), and have been putting it to good use! Maybe tomorrow or another day soon I will post some of the stuff I have sewn for baby showers, but for today I wanted to post pictures of the Halloween costumes I made!

I wanted to spend as little as possible, but still make Logan look like Yoda and me look like Princess Leia. I went to Jo-Ann's Fabric and got all the soft flannel on sale. I think I spent a total of $15 for fabric, thread, and Logan's face paint. I didn't have a pattern and I also have never sewn clothes, but I just kind of figured it out as I went along.

Hives

2008-11-02T14:19:00.000-08:00

I think this marks day number 15 that I've had hives. I am sure people are sick of seeing my status updates on facebook talking about hives, but if they'd just go away then I wouldn't talk about them. There isn't anything "new" that I can figure out that would have triggered these itchy annoying bumps (no new foods, soaps, etc.). I talked to my doctor and it can sometimes be common during pregnancy to get hives or a rash and not ever know why. Sometimes it goes away in a few days, weeks, or sometimes they don't go away until the baby comes. It could be caused by changes in my hormones, or I am all of a sudden allergic to something that I have never been allergic to before.

I was taking benadryl last week to help with the itching and pain, but my hands got pretty swollen and when I stopped taking it the swelling seemed to go down. So, I am thinking I may now be allergic to benadryl as well. It is too bad, because at least the benadryl helped me sleep at night, now I just toss and turn and itch...and get up a few times to put ice on them.

Last night Chris and I went to a Phoenix Suns game and I started getting new hives while just sitting there. Maybe it was the guy next to me and his overly strong cologne, or maybe it was the fabric that my arms were rubbing against. On the way home I just started crying because I see no end in sight and even though I "know" itching won't help, I still itch now and then...the result is beautiful scabs on my hands and arms. As if I need anything to help me feel less pretty when I'm pregnant.

Anyway, I've probably said enough. I know that God is good and that God could take them away if He wanted, but I also know that His grace is sufficient in times of suffering. Is this suffering? Sometimes it seems like it. Although, I do know that there are so many people in the world (probably in my own neighborhood) that are experiencing suffering to a much higher degree than me. So, perhaps I should stop talking about the hives and just take my frustration and pain to the Lord.

2008-10-30T15:39:00.001-07:00

I've decided to start my own blog. I figured there are a few reasons for this:

1) when I need an outlet to write down random things from my day

2) to keep in touch better with all my fabulous family and friends that don't live nearby

3) a place to post pictures of the kiddos (Logan, and this other sweetheart that is on the way), sewing projects, my pregnancy, etc.

So, we'll see how successful I am at updating my blog...here's to trying!