Overflow of our hearts

As I've noticed Logan misbehaving a lot the past few days (we've been in Ocean City for 5 days, so he's dealing with transition) it's made me think about how I act/react to situations in life. It's easy for me to get frustrated and mad at his behavior and want him to quickly just "shape up", but I am (finally) realizing more and more that I need to address his heart and what's really going on. Fear, embarrassment, anger, exhaustion: I need to get to the root of his behavior.

I want to become a mom who knows my kids and can help draw out their hearts, but honestly it's hard to know how to do that. I know that God is so patient with me. I've been studying Ephesians and for some reason chapter 1:7,8 keep resonating with me: "In Him (Christ) we have redemption (means to buy or purchase something) through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace which he lavishes on us." I think the word LAVISHES every time just stands out to me. It doesn't say that he sprinkles a little grace here and there, but that he lavishes his grace on us.

I desire to raise our children in a house where they don't just see us out talking about the gospel, but it is a gospel that rings true in our hearts and is lived out in our household. The last thing I want is to talk about the cross and the relationship God wants with us through what Jesus did on the cross...but then succumbing to "religion" when it comes to behavior and discipline.

As a staff team (there are about 40 of us) we've been sharing our testimonies (stories about how/when we came to know Christ) and it has struck me how many of us grew up in "religious" homes, but didn't know the gospel. Many of us come from performance driven homes with performance-driven faith (you must do, act, be a certain way to win God's favor) instead of the saving faith described in Ephesians 2:8 "for it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this not of yourselves, it is the gift of God".

I pray that I will continue to be convicted of my own sin and led to repentance. There is no way I can ever be the perfect model because that will always only be Jesus. What I can do is lead my children in humility (let them see me when I mess up, see how I confess that, and ask the Holy Spirit to make me be the kind of person He wants me to be), ask God to help give me a spirit of patience and grace with them, and learn how to ask questions that won't just focus on the behavior, but what's behind the behavior.

After a really hard day yesterday (Logan tends to act up by asking for food for meals and then refusing to eat. It took him 2 1/2 hours to eat half of a quesadilla) I missed our staff time and stayed home with the kids. After getting Rachel to bed I spent extra time reading to Logan, singing him songs before bed and talking to him about his day. I did the best I could to explain to him that there will always be consequences for our sin or for the bad things we do (which he followed by saying, "yes, everybody makes mistakes and that's why Jesus died for us") but that I don't want him to just say he's sorry so he can get back to playing but I want to know why he acted up. I told him that he can tell me if he is sad, scared, tired, or whatever he's feeling. We hugged and I prayed for him (which he repeated the prayer as I was saying it, which was really cute).

It's hard figuring out how to talk with a 3 1/2 year old, partly because he may not know why he's acting the way he is (God knows there are many times I can't figure out why I act the way I do), but it is worth it to keep pursing my kids. I am so thankful that God has pursued and continues to pursue me.